Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Eeeeeeek!
Apologies to you all who just can't wait to hear about my adventures in Taiwan, I forgot about my blog. So far, all I've been doing are eating, watching soap operas, eating, enduring the heat, shopping, eating, family gatherings, snacking, bumming, ooo..did i mention eating??? =P Attended my cousin's wedding...and everything's as expected. My cousin was the prettiest bride ever (no joke, my cousin's really hot), my sister and i attracted quite a lot of "unnecessary" attention (low cut bride's maid dress is apparently uncommon in Taiwan), got to see the whole family, and of course... lots of "excessive" questioning regarding my love life. All in all, it was a joyous occassion...with LOTS of good food (two gigs of banquets...lunch AND dinner! BOOYA!), good times w/family, and watching my cousin being a happy bride =D Pictures will be posted in the near future. My future plans? no Phuket Island (it was a wishful thinking after all... *sigh*) but I am going to Pong Hu (an island off of the coast of Taiwan) w/mah familia...should be fun. Returning to states on the 27th...hit me up!
What kind of fear do you have? fear of heights? fear of lightning? fear of snakes? fear of crowds? whatever fear it is...it's enough to bring chills up'n down our spines. Why do we fear these things? Some of them are expected because they relate to the "death" factor...and most of us fear death. As of why we fear death? perhaps because we don't know what lies beyond death...and the fear of being buried under that thick layer of soil...the lack of "existence". We all say you gotta "face your fear"...but how can it be a fear if you can face it head on? Fear by definition IS A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger..and it is also a state or condition marked by this very feeling. If you can conquer those "emotions"...then you no longer "fear"...if you no longer "fear"..then there is no such thing as "facing your fear" (that's just what i think...not absolute..u're welcome to beg to differ) One thing for certain...fear is often a stumbling block in this process called "life" and often the factor that makes people lose their money in reality shows.
I must admit...I am a sissy...because I fear insects...and by "insects" i mean ALL insects! I'm so scared of them that I can't even kill an ant! (yea yea yea...laugh all you want). Story goes...I was about to shower...I stripped naked and ready to savor the feeling of warm water and cleaniness. Right when i was about to step into the shower...I saw this GIANT cockroach right at the middle of the bath tub. I was SCARED out of my mind! I ran out of the shower screaming and calling for help...might i remind you...I was STILL naked! I knew I had to get rid of it before I can even get myself to shower...but I couldnt get my body to do ANYTHING. I could only stand there...staring at it with fear...the cockroach seems to be looking at me and laughing with evilness. My sister came to the rescue in the end...laughing...because there is her older sister...NAKED...screaming...jumping up and down...with the cockroach having its way. We ended up drowning it with hot water...scooped it up with a container and send it down to its toilet grave. I became the laughing stock and the entertainment of the night...oh the mockery. The liberation from the insect threat however, was a schweeeet one..TAKE THAT cockroach!
That same night..enjoying the A/C..trying to forget the "cockroach attack" incident..i proceeded to the state of REM. Long and behold...in my dream...I was at a sandy beach enjoying the sun. The beach was very unusual..it was FILLED mass algaes. Right when me and company were witnessing the spectacles...a GIGANTORE spider...like...the ones in giant spider movies...appeared! It somehow has a liking for me and ATTACKED ME!! I was running lifeless, and in the end, the ginormous spider sprang up right on top of me! i SCREAMED! and....i woke up. I pretty much woke up everyone because my scream was so loud and my body gave an exaggerated jerk. Great....cockroach in real life and spiders in my dream. I foresee the endless mockery and me being the laughing stock for the week to come. Oh joy.
There you have it..my embarrassement and my fear for insects. So much for facing my own fears. If you want to scare the bigeezes outta me...throw me an ant or two...you're bound to get a satisfactory reaction. -_-" *sigh*
Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Compliments (yea..who doesnt?)
2) Watching good soap operas
3) Liberation from insect threat
4) Good dreams
5) Eating good food
What kind of fear do you have? fear of heights? fear of lightning? fear of snakes? fear of crowds? whatever fear it is...it's enough to bring chills up'n down our spines. Why do we fear these things? Some of them are expected because they relate to the "death" factor...and most of us fear death. As of why we fear death? perhaps because we don't know what lies beyond death...and the fear of being buried under that thick layer of soil...the lack of "existence". We all say you gotta "face your fear"...but how can it be a fear if you can face it head on? Fear by definition IS A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger..and it is also a state or condition marked by this very feeling. If you can conquer those "emotions"...then you no longer "fear"...if you no longer "fear"..then there is no such thing as "facing your fear" (that's just what i think...not absolute..u're welcome to beg to differ) One thing for certain...fear is often a stumbling block in this process called "life" and often the factor that makes people lose their money in reality shows.
I must admit...I am a sissy...because I fear insects...and by "insects" i mean ALL insects! I'm so scared of them that I can't even kill an ant! (yea yea yea...laugh all you want). Story goes...I was about to shower...I stripped naked and ready to savor the feeling of warm water and cleaniness. Right when i was about to step into the shower...I saw this GIANT cockroach right at the middle of the bath tub. I was SCARED out of my mind! I ran out of the shower screaming and calling for help...might i remind you...I was STILL naked! I knew I had to get rid of it before I can even get myself to shower...but I couldnt get my body to do ANYTHING. I could only stand there...staring at it with fear...the cockroach seems to be looking at me and laughing with evilness. My sister came to the rescue in the end...laughing...because there is her older sister...NAKED...screaming...jumping up and down...with the cockroach having its way. We ended up drowning it with hot water...scooped it up with a container and send it down to its toilet grave. I became the laughing stock and the entertainment of the night...oh the mockery. The liberation from the insect threat however, was a schweeeet one..TAKE THAT cockroach!
That same night..enjoying the A/C..trying to forget the "cockroach attack" incident..i proceeded to the state of REM. Long and behold...in my dream...I was at a sandy beach enjoying the sun. The beach was very unusual..it was FILLED mass algaes. Right when me and company were witnessing the spectacles...a GIGANTORE spider...like...the ones in giant spider movies...appeared! It somehow has a liking for me and ATTACKED ME!! I was running lifeless, and in the end, the ginormous spider sprang up right on top of me! i SCREAMED! and....i woke up. I pretty much woke up everyone because my scream was so loud and my body gave an exaggerated jerk. Great....cockroach in real life and spiders in my dream. I foresee the endless mockery and me being the laughing stock for the week to come. Oh joy.
There you have it..my embarrassement and my fear for insects. So much for facing my own fears. If you want to scare the bigeezes outta me...throw me an ant or two...you're bound to get a satisfactory reaction. -_-" *sigh*
Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Compliments (yea..who doesnt?)
2) Watching good soap operas
3) Liberation from insect threat
4) Good dreams
5) Eating good food
Monday, July 04, 2005
Estranged Homeland
It is the 4th of July in Taiwan already...no fireworks (i can however buy them in local shops and be a pyrol), no bbq (which i can have just by going to the restaurant down the street from me), no celebrations (vacation count as a celebration? 0.O), no 3 day weekend (i am on vacation afterall)...just a plain mondane Monday with the dreadful feeling of "yet another week" (which i gladly exclude myself from). How is it in Taiwan? it is mah crib, where mah familia's at. There's nothing really special because I pretty much visit every year. I have also conveniently left my USB chord for my camera in LA...so you'll all just have to wait 'till I return to the states to see the pics I took and will be taking (fobby "peace" signs included). What are my plans for the month to come? Nothing other than lots of fooding, chilling, shopping, family gatherings, and o yes...I'M GOING TO THAILAND: PHUKET ISLAND! (or so I hope, unless my mom decides to withdraw funding for my highly anticipated trip to the paradise).
This place called Taiwan is home for me, and yet, I don't belong. Just by walking down the street, in the midst of the chinese crowd...other than my Chinky appearance and skin color...I really stick out like a sore thumb. The way i dress, my mannerisms, my physique, and all others that makes me "me" dont really belong here. I see queer eyes looking my way from all directions (or maybe i'm just being massively checked out by everyone...oh aileen..what hopeful thinking =P). I find myself estranged from my root. I think differently, I act differently, I listen to different music, and I even speak a whole different language. My chinesse was a diamond now reverted back to the rough and my knowledge of my "home" is worse than a kid. People can tell I am not from here as soon as I proceed to open my mouth and "speak" (which is what i do all the time anywayz). Friends and relatives treat me like a circus monkey..."let us hear some english!" they say. According to my fellow fobby friends and relatives, I am FULLY Americanized.
Yet on the other hand, back in the states, I am also treated as "different". I don't stick out like a sore thumb walking down the street, but my chinese is far more superior than my fellow peers (major plus for the parentals I must admit), my knowledge of Chinese culture and history is also better than those around me by 10 folds (HA! TAKE THAT!), and I still have somehwat of a "fobby" appearance (however miniscure it is). I think differently, act differently, I still listen to "some" different music, and I even speak a whole different language (hmm...deja vu?) My english (in particularly the grammatical aspects) is still a diamond in the rough and I am still considerably uneducated in my American culture. There are still words I can't pronounce correctly even if my life's dependent on it. I am still treated like a circus monkey by friends and relatives..."say something in chinese!" they say. I am considered as a fob, not an ABC....I at most pass as white wannabe.
Thus makes me feel....where do I belong? Where should I call home? Where IS my home? I am just some obscure Chinese-American/Fob-ABC/Asiany-White hybrid. As much as I wish for things to be black and white, I lie nicely in the gray.
regardless of where you are or where you belong...for every action there's a reaction...beware your action to prevent unwanted reaction (wow..i actually came up w/something profound! however random and unfitting to my entry it might be =P)
aileen the fob, the ABC, the chinese, the american....peace out!
Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Reminiscing good memories
2) Tickling someone and watch them squirm
3) Cold drink on a hot day
4) Family gatherings
5) Sitting here...blogging my life away
This place called Taiwan is home for me, and yet, I don't belong. Just by walking down the street, in the midst of the chinese crowd...other than my Chinky appearance and skin color...I really stick out like a sore thumb. The way i dress, my mannerisms, my physique, and all others that makes me "me" dont really belong here. I see queer eyes looking my way from all directions (or maybe i'm just being massively checked out by everyone...oh aileen..what hopeful thinking =P). I find myself estranged from my root. I think differently, I act differently, I listen to different music, and I even speak a whole different language. My chinesse was a diamond now reverted back to the rough and my knowledge of my "home" is worse than a kid. People can tell I am not from here as soon as I proceed to open my mouth and "speak" (which is what i do all the time anywayz). Friends and relatives treat me like a circus monkey..."let us hear some english!" they say. According to my fellow fobby friends and relatives, I am FULLY Americanized.
Yet on the other hand, back in the states, I am also treated as "different". I don't stick out like a sore thumb walking down the street, but my chinese is far more superior than my fellow peers (major plus for the parentals I must admit), my knowledge of Chinese culture and history is also better than those around me by 10 folds (HA! TAKE THAT!), and I still have somehwat of a "fobby" appearance (however miniscure it is). I think differently, act differently, I still listen to "some" different music, and I even speak a whole different language (hmm...deja vu?) My english (in particularly the grammatical aspects) is still a diamond in the rough and I am still considerably uneducated in my American culture. There are still words I can't pronounce correctly even if my life's dependent on it. I am still treated like a circus monkey by friends and relatives..."say something in chinese!" they say. I am considered as a fob, not an ABC....I at most pass as white wannabe.
Thus makes me feel....where do I belong? Where should I call home? Where IS my home? I am just some obscure Chinese-American/Fob-ABC/Asiany-White hybrid. As much as I wish for things to be black and white, I lie nicely in the gray.
regardless of where you are or where you belong...for every action there's a reaction...beware your action to prevent unwanted reaction (wow..i actually came up w/something profound! however random and unfitting to my entry it might be =P)
aileen the fob, the ABC, the chinese, the american....peace out!
Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Reminiscing good memories
2) Tickling someone and watch them squirm
3) Cold drink on a hot day
4) Family gatherings
5) Sitting here...blogging my life away
Friday, July 01, 2005
Fobulicious
Ah...in Taiwan once again. Seems like just not too long ago i visited my homeland. time to get in touch w/my ghetto fobulicious side once more! It's been less than 12 hrs since i arrived...and i'm jetlagging already. Woke up at freak'n 6am! just have to rough it through the day...nothing a little caffeine can't fix *wink* The humidity in Taiwan is rather obscene, thus reminded me why i have not returned to my homeland during the time of "summer" for 7 years. it's sticky, it's sweaty, and it's just gross..... -_-" what can i say..it's fantabulous!
Now off to something completely off topic (come on..it's me...i go off on my random tangents). Events in life are seriously series of unexpected happenings. You can plan for them...but more often than not...it throws curve balls. I knew that before, I know that now...but it's just different when u're the batter and the curve ball's thrown right at you. Don't you ever wish you can be like Ichiro? reading the pitcher...measuring the distance...set your eyes firmly on the ball..and have a high batting average and on base average regardless of what type of curve ball's thrown? I always wished i have a knack for reading "life" and the curve balls, but i am just fooling myself. I am nowhere near MLB standard. I am also a horrible gambler, can never read the cards on the table..can only hope that luck goes my way and score myself a full house. Even if i tried to be like Johnny Chang...reading the cards on the table, calculating my opponents, and the likelihood of me winning w/a losing hand or perhaps a winning hand...i still end up losing because of one freak'n card that messed up my royal flush (it only takes one...*sigh*) You can set up everything..believed you got this "life" thing planned and figured out...nonetheless...a little luck goes a long way.
i have a rough idea of what's going to happen in the next 4 years...but that only goes as far as going to UCSF for pharm school, nerding it, going back home on the long weekends, and then most likely it'll be so-cal for rotations (or so i think). As of what might throw down in those 4 years...i have no freak'n clue. We always like to think we're in control of life..but that's all delusional. In particularly the "relationship" aspects... i stopped planning for that...it's useless. Maybe it is good to "lose control" (literally and philosophically). we all have the potentials of going on some wild rides...it's a matter of having the courage to get ourselves onto that ride of "unknown". risk taker? i'm not one..but i'd like to experiment to see if i have that gambler inside me.
A quote i'd like to share w/you..don't think it pertains to this particular post..but it's a good quote from the movie The Wedding Date (yes...i do watch chick flicks from time to time..in particularly on a 12hrs flight). it goes..
The hardest part of love isn't loving someone, but having the courage to let them love you back
that's some courage...a courage i don't have...and a courage i should have.
Aileen on the flip side of the world...out!
Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Having the AC on during a hot and HUMID summer day in Taiwan
2) Putting on ear phones to shut yourself from the annoying hs girls giggling and talking about stupid stuff on a 12hrs flight
3) Cuddling
4) Getting yourself a bargain
5) The feeling of "home"
You have just survived one hellish blog. Thank you, the Devil awaits your re-visit..Mwa ha ha ha ha
Now off to something completely off topic (come on..it's me...i go off on my random tangents). Events in life are seriously series of unexpected happenings. You can plan for them...but more often than not...it throws curve balls. I knew that before, I know that now...but it's just different when u're the batter and the curve ball's thrown right at you. Don't you ever wish you can be like Ichiro? reading the pitcher...measuring the distance...set your eyes firmly on the ball..and have a high batting average and on base average regardless of what type of curve ball's thrown? I always wished i have a knack for reading "life" and the curve balls, but i am just fooling myself. I am nowhere near MLB standard. I am also a horrible gambler, can never read the cards on the table..can only hope that luck goes my way and score myself a full house. Even if i tried to be like Johnny Chang...reading the cards on the table, calculating my opponents, and the likelihood of me winning w/a losing hand or perhaps a winning hand...i still end up losing because of one freak'n card that messed up my royal flush (it only takes one...*sigh*) You can set up everything..believed you got this "life" thing planned and figured out...nonetheless...a little luck goes a long way.
i have a rough idea of what's going to happen in the next 4 years...but that only goes as far as going to UCSF for pharm school, nerding it, going back home on the long weekends, and then most likely it'll be so-cal for rotations (or so i think). As of what might throw down in those 4 years...i have no freak'n clue. We always like to think we're in control of life..but that's all delusional. In particularly the "relationship" aspects... i stopped planning for that...it's useless. Maybe it is good to "lose control" (literally and philosophically). we all have the potentials of going on some wild rides...it's a matter of having the courage to get ourselves onto that ride of "unknown". risk taker? i'm not one..but i'd like to experiment to see if i have that gambler inside me.
A quote i'd like to share w/you..don't think it pertains to this particular post..but it's a good quote from the movie The Wedding Date (yes...i do watch chick flicks from time to time..in particularly on a 12hrs flight). it goes..
The hardest part of love isn't loving someone, but having the courage to let them love you back
that's some courage...a courage i don't have...and a courage i should have.
Aileen on the flip side of the world...out!
Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Having the AC on during a hot and HUMID summer day in Taiwan
2) Putting on ear phones to shut yourself from the annoying hs girls giggling and talking about stupid stuff on a 12hrs flight
3) Cuddling
4) Getting yourself a bargain
5) The feeling of "home"
