Monday, July 04, 2005
Estranged Homeland
It is the 4th of July in Taiwan already...no fireworks (i can however buy them in local shops and be a pyrol), no bbq (which i can have just by going to the restaurant down the street from me), no celebrations (vacation count as a celebration? 0.O), no 3 day weekend (i am on vacation afterall)...just a plain mondane Monday with the dreadful feeling of "yet another week" (which i gladly exclude myself from). How is it in Taiwan? it is mah crib, where mah familia's at. There's nothing really special because I pretty much visit every year. I have also conveniently left my USB chord for my camera in LA...so you'll all just have to wait 'till I return to the states to see the pics I took and will be taking (fobby "peace" signs included). What are my plans for the month to come? Nothing other than lots of fooding, chilling, shopping, family gatherings, and o yes...I'M GOING TO THAILAND: PHUKET ISLAND! (or so I hope, unless my mom decides to withdraw funding for my highly anticipated trip to the paradise).
This place called Taiwan is home for me, and yet, I don't belong. Just by walking down the street, in the midst of the chinese crowd...other than my Chinky appearance and skin color...I really stick out like a sore thumb. The way i dress, my mannerisms, my physique, and all others that makes me "me" dont really belong here. I see queer eyes looking my way from all directions (or maybe i'm just being massively checked out by everyone...oh aileen..what hopeful thinking =P). I find myself estranged from my root. I think differently, I act differently, I listen to different music, and I even speak a whole different language. My chinesse was a diamond now reverted back to the rough and my knowledge of my "home" is worse than a kid. People can tell I am not from here as soon as I proceed to open my mouth and "speak" (which is what i do all the time anywayz). Friends and relatives treat me like a circus monkey..."let us hear some english!" they say. According to my fellow fobby friends and relatives, I am FULLY Americanized.
Yet on the other hand, back in the states, I am also treated as "different". I don't stick out like a sore thumb walking down the street, but my chinese is far more superior than my fellow peers (major plus for the parentals I must admit), my knowledge of Chinese culture and history is also better than those around me by 10 folds (HA! TAKE THAT!), and I still have somehwat of a "fobby" appearance (however miniscure it is). I think differently, act differently, I still listen to "some" different music, and I even speak a whole different language (hmm...deja vu?) My english (in particularly the grammatical aspects) is still a diamond in the rough and I am still considerably uneducated in my American culture. There are still words I can't pronounce correctly even if my life's dependent on it. I am still treated like a circus monkey by friends and relatives..."say something in chinese!" they say. I am considered as a fob, not an ABC....I at most pass as white wannabe.
Thus makes me feel....where do I belong? Where should I call home? Where IS my home? I am just some obscure Chinese-American/Fob-ABC/Asiany-White hybrid. As much as I wish for things to be black and white, I lie nicely in the gray.
regardless of where you are or where you belong...for every action there's a reaction...beware your action to prevent unwanted reaction (wow..i actually came up w/something profound! however random and unfitting to my entry it might be =P)
aileen the fob, the ABC, the chinese, the american....peace out!
Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Reminiscing good memories
2) Tickling someone and watch them squirm
3) Cold drink on a hot day
4) Family gatherings
5) Sitting here...blogging my life away
haha. u circus monkey
this is steve btw
why'd u leave xanga??? i'm going to start my own blogging service called chamspot
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You have just survived one hellish blog. Thank you, the Devil awaits your re-visit..Mwa ha ha ha ha
This place called Taiwan is home for me, and yet, I don't belong. Just by walking down the street, in the midst of the chinese crowd...other than my Chinky appearance and skin color...I really stick out like a sore thumb. The way i dress, my mannerisms, my physique, and all others that makes me "me" dont really belong here. I see queer eyes looking my way from all directions (or maybe i'm just being massively checked out by everyone...oh aileen..what hopeful thinking =P). I find myself estranged from my root. I think differently, I act differently, I listen to different music, and I even speak a whole different language. My chinesse was a diamond now reverted back to the rough and my knowledge of my "home" is worse than a kid. People can tell I am not from here as soon as I proceed to open my mouth and "speak" (which is what i do all the time anywayz). Friends and relatives treat me like a circus monkey..."let us hear some english!" they say. According to my fellow fobby friends and relatives, I am FULLY Americanized.
Yet on the other hand, back in the states, I am also treated as "different". I don't stick out like a sore thumb walking down the street, but my chinese is far more superior than my fellow peers (major plus for the parentals I must admit), my knowledge of Chinese culture and history is also better than those around me by 10 folds (HA! TAKE THAT!), and I still have somehwat of a "fobby" appearance (however miniscure it is). I think differently, act differently, I still listen to "some" different music, and I even speak a whole different language (hmm...deja vu?) My english (in particularly the grammatical aspects) is still a diamond in the rough and I am still considerably uneducated in my American culture. There are still words I can't pronounce correctly even if my life's dependent on it. I am still treated like a circus monkey by friends and relatives..."say something in chinese!" they say. I am considered as a fob, not an ABC....I at most pass as white wannabe.
Thus makes me feel....where do I belong? Where should I call home? Where IS my home? I am just some obscure Chinese-American/Fob-ABC/Asiany-White hybrid. As much as I wish for things to be black and white, I lie nicely in the gray.
regardless of where you are or where you belong...for every action there's a reaction...beware your action to prevent unwanted reaction (wow..i actually came up w/something profound! however random and unfitting to my entry it might be =P)
aileen the fob, the ABC, the chinese, the american....peace out!
Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Reminiscing good memories
2) Tickling someone and watch them squirm
3) Cold drink on a hot day
4) Family gatherings
5) Sitting here...blogging my life away
haha. u circus monkey
this is steve btw
why'd u leave xanga??? i'm going to start my own blogging service called chamspot
Post a Comment
