Aichi's Ramblookies! (For Your Daily Fortune, Please Tune In)

God Bless America

2006-08-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

Uproductivity is calling out to me...inactivity is bothering me...blogging i shall! Quite a lot happened within the past 2~3 weeks. It's almost like a giant soap opera...instead of Days of Our Lives...it's Days of Aileen's Life =P Long stories short, broke up w/bf and Aileen back to singledom. Things turned out rather ugly and unnecessarily bad...but in the end...it was still a nice and memorable experience with lessons well learned. Really thankful for some wonderful new friends that helped me out big time...and you know who you are *wink* owe you all a HUGE one! Since my last solitude period was 2 1/2 years...how long will this one be considering the deadline for "Aileen must get hitched" is only 3 years from now? iono *shrug* my back up dudes should beware...i may really try to make you guys enforce your deals w/me..mwa ha ha ha ha... *horns appearing*

You know...in America, it pays to be rich and poor. Why i say that (as if you really have to ask)?

If you're rich...OBVIOUSLY you are given certain birth advantages that others dont have. You get to be spoiled rotten with materialistic goods and good looking men/women. People treat u like king/queen and you may even get to have an orgy with Paris Hilton. Nice cars, no worries, big houses, trust funds, and etc. are all included in the package. Shoot, under rule of this president..you dont even have to pay much taxes! Kids' education...no problem...cash it out!

If you're poor, you have medical or welfare. These programs give you free money and free medications. As a future pharmacist and present pharmacy intern....i can tell you this...medical pays for EVERYTHING!!! Welfare...they give you free money monthly...not that it's a lot..but hey...still free money. Sometimes you may even get food stamps to get free food, or if you REALLY want to, stand on the corner somewhere in SF...u'll make a living alright! You don't have to pay for kid's education...government grants!

If u're middle class...u're f*cked. You get taxed up the a$$, you wont be able to afford the rising real estate prices in California, you salvage to get your kids through college, and you just have to pay for EVERYTHING. Anything you can think of requires work and careful calculation. You work hard for your money, women/men, life, and happiness.

Those may be my claims and it seems there's no support...may even arise an uproar amongst my fellow middle classers...but here's the EVIDENCE

Some guy just came in and paid for over $300 worth of viagra pill without blinking an eye...the dude will have mucho sex for the month to come.
Another guy came in and got medical to pay for his condoms (specially lubricated too)...he'll also have some free safe sex for the month to come...
Some guy came in...he has to pay for his condoms and insurance will only pay for 4 pills of viagra for the month to come...even that..he has to pay $20 for them. he WILL NOT have lots of sex for the month to come...

Ah...here's the America way for ya

Aileen...the once again back on the market chica...OUT!

Simple Pleasures of Life
1) Getting paid OT
2) Pete's coffee/tea
3) Staring at the object of you affection
4) Someone thinks u're special
5) Walking with the wind in your face and the sun above your head

Reality Bites

2006-07-19T13:48:00.000-07:00

Onto my sparse blog postings....I really havent been doing a good job in keeping this up. Part of it because I lack the time (dude..you know how long my entries are), some because i'm just flat out LAZY (dude...you know how long it takes me to type up something this long?), and mostly...maybe i lack interesting insights now a days (dude...you know how long it takes me to cook up some interesting long reads for you?) see the trend??? All in all, life's grand. I now work in Safeway pharmacy for the summer as an intern pharmacist. Life as a pharmacist has defnitely been interesting to say the least. Can I see myself going gunho with this career decision? Yuppity yup...but i definitely will not be a "boring" pharmacist...at least i hope i wont. It's funny when I tell other people where I work...i say "Safeway", and I can just tell they must be thinking.."damn..this girl's not very accomplished...she must be a bagger or a cashier". It's a pretty funny stereotype, and I sometimes ride it out hehe..

When I am just standing up all day, filling prescriptions, and of course...dealing with "people"...there are lots of profound insights that can come out of this routine. Reality is....PEOPLE ARE WEIRD, STRANGE, AND DUMB!!!! (wow...is that really profound????) Due to the restrictions of HIPAA (Health Insurance Portable Accountability Act), I can only speak of the following scenerios in "he/she who shall not be named" terms.

-:- Scenerio 1 -:-

Customer: What's the difference between these three (points at Motrin, Ibuprofen, and Advil)
Me: Absolutely no difference, the differences lies in the brand name and the price
Customer: Really??? My friends told me they're different, and Advil can make your blood pressure go high
Me: One way to tell is to look at the active ingredients of the packages (points at active ingredients). As you can see, they all say Ibuprofen 200mg. So they would all make your blood pressure go high
Customer: Then how come one's called Advil, one's Motrin, and one's Ibuprofen?
Me: They're just different brands
Customer: So they're the same??? and not that I don't believe you, but you're not a pharmacist
Me: Yes! The pharmacist will tell you the same thing I just told you
Customer: But I heard they're different, and I should return the Advil and get the Motrin?
Me: If you really want to go through that extra process and pay for something more expensive you may do that, but I am just here to tell you they are the same.
Customer: Ok
..........5min later..........
Pharmacist: How may I help you?
Customer: What are the differences between these 3?
Pharmacist: They are the same, differences lies in the brand name and the price
Customer: OK
Me: -_-"

-:- Scenerio 2 -:-

Customer: How come I didnt get any refills for X prescription???
Pharmacist: I am sorry, but your doctor did not order any more refills for you
Customer: (angry) How could this be? Do you know what this prescription is for? (in a slow manner) This prescription is for Osteoporosis....THAT is a CHRONIC disease! It causes bone weakening. This pill X slows down the breakdown of the bones...ALL doctors prescribe refills for this condition.
Pharmacist: *nod* *smile* Ok, thanks for informing me, your doctor still didnt give you any refills and we cannot give you any unless your refill order is in from the doctor's office. Let us call your doctor again and find out. (customer storms off)
Me: *laughing hysterically* wow...she educated the pharmacist
Pharmacist: yea, guess 4 years of education and 10 years of pharmacy experience does not teach me what osteoporosis is and what the medication's for.

-:- Scenerio 3 -:-
Customer: I dont want this medication, I told the clerk not to refill it
Me: Sorry for that mistake, we will go ahead and return it
Customer: But, someone paid for this, and it's not me
Me: Yea, your insurance paid for it. We will go ahead and credit return it.
Customer: But you dont understand, I didnt pay for this, someone else did!
Me: yes, and that is your insurance company, we will return the money to them
Customer: NO, SOMEBODY PAID FOR THIS AND IT'S NOT ME!!!
Me: Yes, I understand, that's why we're going to credit return it back to the insurance so they will get the money back.
Customer: I didnt pay for this!
Me: Dont worry about it, pretend nothing happened and we never filled the prescription. No one will pay for this
Customer: *leaves and mumbles to self*

So there you have it....the wonders of the real world. How exciting!

that's all for now...peesh!

Simples Pleasures in Life
1) Warmth of the sun
2) Clear sky
3) Presents
4) Someone cooking for you
5) Movie marathons

Disappearance

2006-05-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

Whoa...it's been 5 months since I last updated my blog! Has Aileen fallen off from the face of the earth??? No...not really.. Do I hate you guys? maybe..(haha..j/k) Did the monster named UCSF swallowed me whole and refuse to spit me out? YOU BETCHA! I don't have much to update other than I go through this same mundane "pharm student" routine EVERY FREAK'N WEEK!!! Wake up -> class -> lunch -> class -> meetings -> study -> dinner -> study -> sleep. How.....non-stimulating. Since pharmacy school...life's no longer interesting...nothing fascinating goes on in my mind...i'm just...going through the motion of things. Feel like a zombie most of the time.

Career and family seem to the topics of "worry" in all of our minds. These are the consequences of growing up and being in the 20's (I dont wanna grow up...I'm a Toy's R Us kid...) With well established friends and about-to-be hitched folks...and of course..being around 100 girls EVERY SINGLE DAY..it's hard to avid such a topic (commitments...OH NO!!!). Whatever happened to being spontaneous and "I'll take what life throws me"??? Such attitudes are now perceived as "immature" and "elementary" by fellow peers. A lot of folks are obsessed with family planning and career road map. I've been sucked into this whirlpool or adulthood...and there's no way out! Every single time I tell people I have a bf now...one of the primary responses: ooo...congrats? are you guys gonna get married??? -_-" whatever happened to "i just wanna date"??? can't a girl/boy play around??? (not implying myself..i'm happily in a "serious" relationship with a wonderful stud *wink*) Girls my age fantasize about the rocks, the wedding schbam, honeymoon, family life....the list goes on and on and on. It doesnt help w/friends pregnant and getting married left and right (red bombs on the loose!!)

Uhhh...Aileen...do you have a point here? or are you just rambling? Point being that I have tried so hard ever since when i was a kid to be "different" from others...i pride myself in my ability to produce "unique" qualities. In the end...I am still ordinary. My estrogen level is high enough to make me a "female". I am still a victim of "aging" and "tradition". Maybe because of all the brain washing by fellow classmates (i call it...estrogen replacement therapy)..I now contemplate and fantasize the same things. how typical...how hormonal...and how...girly. Once u reach a certain point...individuality disappear...and it's all about conformity. No matter how hard you try to fight and be different...in the end..you just have to give in and be part of the crowd. The consequence of non-conformists....FRIENDLESS! i know i preached the "fruits of loneliness" before...but damn it...I NEED COMPANY!!! there...i admitted it.

So my friends...chat w/me about your "life" plans...and please don't forget about my existence...i promise i won't criticize!

When will my next post be? *shrug* petition to our dean and make our course loads less...then chances are..the happy and cheery Aileen will return once more! perhaps i'll be more interesting too... *sigh*

peace out folks! happy future planning!

Simple Pleasures of Life
- No midterms
- Acing midterms
- Acing midterms without studying hard for it
- Napping in class without getting caught
- Sleeping openly in class as a rebelious gesture

I Am Still Here..Waves

2006-01-08T16:06:00.000-08:00

Close to 2 months later...finally...another post. Have I forgotten about my blog? No.. Have I decided to disappear from the face of the earth? No.... Have I decided to be a super evil pharmacist, locked up in my laboratory and trying to develope some pharamacological agent to terrorize the world? Maybe in a few years... In the past 1 1/2 months...I went through a round of finals, some winter breaking (vegas, LA), lots of sickness (heck..i'm still awefully sick right now), and some time away from the internet.

A lot of people ask me what my new year's resolutions are...Here's what I have deduced down to...
1) Survive through this year of pharmacy school in ONE piece (seriously...3 illnesses in 3 weeks is no fun at all...i was just fevering away yesterday)
2) Learn how to cook (for T-rex's sake)
3) Think before I talk
4) Call my family and spend more quality time with them when I am around
5) Be a better gf
6) Stop with the caffeine addiction and drink more water

Over half of these new year resolutions are suggestions from my partner in crime. I guess i do need to take care of myself more. My immune system is more than weak sauce..it's pretty much to pathetic level. I only have myself to thank for that one. My health might not mean much to me...being the ambitious psycho student that I am...but it means a lot to the people that love me. so suck it up aileen...be healthy!!!

you ever notice how deceptive blogs and aims are...you can never tell the emotions or the physical state of the person that's typing (aka me). i can make myself sound all happy simply by adding a few exclaimation marks! but do you know how i am right now? I am actually very sickly in my bed dressed up like a snowman..and resting my days away...how lovely. but at least i'm attempting to be cheery! (it ain't hard..just have to press *shift+1).

This blog is to the randomnest degree...since my head's sorta congested and my throat hurts like a mother. I just want dont want you guys to forget the existence of my blog (which i'm pretty sure most of you deleted it from your shortcut or your favorites). I shall post something more interesting and perhaps some pictures after i recover (whenever that is).

Until then...death to cold virus and victory for aileen!!!

Simple Pleasures in Life
- Being Healthy

My Apologies

2005-11-16T23:03:00.000-08:00

I realized...I am long overdue for a blog entry. So here I am, sitting in my room, putting all school work aside....typing my life to you. dont you feel special?!? well...it's more like...i'm sick and tired of school...so i'm gonna blog to pretend i'm doing something productive =P Pharm school keeps me at a tight leash...it ain't easy being in a professional school. There are so many things i want to do and I want to accomplish in the next four years to come that i know i will be stretching myself thin. I'm hanging in just fine....doing well in school...but how long can i last w/o my body calling it quits? *shrug* i'm gonna overdrive myself for as long as my body limit allows. Social aspects...it's great..the girls in pharmacy school (noticing i'm calling them "girls"...the 20% male population's really not a statistically significant contribution to my social life) are all nice. i've never interacted with so many girls before..but apparently...i am more feminine than i thought. I am now pledging for a pharmacy frat (yes..believe it or not...there are "professional" frats in pharmacy school)...all for the sake of "brotherhood" ya know...."brotherhood"...what an ironic term in pharmacy school -_-" I do miss all of my friends and family down in SoCal...so all of you...when comes december..i better see your a$$es hanging out w/me!!! (yes...i'll be back for the month of december) with the logistics of my blog and my life aside...how have you been?

Lately, been having convos about "love" w/a few of my friends (what's new? the topic of relationship seems to be the center of all convos). I am not a person afraid to show my "love" for that someone special. the word itself does not even scare me or intimidate me. Perhaps I am taking it too lightly and using it as a looser term than others...but seriously..when the emotion's there...why not make it known? Quite a few of us are afraid of expressing that term to our significant others...fearing it might..."freak" them out. Why would "love" freak someone out? shouldnt we appreciate the fact that someone desire and adore us at a deep level? yet this is not the case. It seems to represent a certain commitment to the relationship that everyone's afraid to step into. Once you said it...there's only "black and white"..none of that "i'm not sure" BS anymore. It seems to me as if people like to stay in the gray area...because it is safe. It allows you to have the luxury to change your mind...like a merchanise you kept the receipt for and you can return it if you dont like it in the future. when the "love" word is not out there...there's no commitment inuendo...and you can still have your last line of defense. I have recently heard a story that a couple have been together for 4 years..they never said "i love you" until 2 months ago...and now they're engaged and will soon tie the knot. People wait forever before they bust out "i love u" to that special someone...to certain individuals..it's almost a monumental moment! Perhaps i just dont see what the big deal is. We say we "love" our friends and family...but we cant say we "love" he/she because it's too early or "i dont know" or whatever bogus reasons there might be. I say if you feel it...just go ahead and say it! who wants to hear their bf/gf to say...i REALLY "like" you...i dont LOVE you...but i LIKE you. why in the hell are you with me if you dont love me???

spread the love...and STOP FREAKING OUT!

with the frustrations of relationship issues aside...here's a pic of someone i absolutely adore and "love" (yes..i said the L word....sue me). i know all of you have been o so curious about it...so here he is. Introducing my current partner in crime: T-rex (the code name you will know for now..no..i'm really dating a dinosaur -_-")

There...i made it known to the world...first time in a long time posting something about my personal life. now off my back you go! heheh...

Simple Pleasures in Life

1) Sleep during class

2) Endless fooding

3) Getting perfect on a test

4) Complimented by someone

5) Clear sky

Don't Be Hating

2005-10-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

I have returned from my stagnant blogging status, reporting my vicarious life to you all once again. u must have missed me...but what can i say..pharm school ain't easy. Just got through my first hell week...and finally some down time. Life's been peachy as of late...school's going well, my current social status has been awesome, i'm a busy body, roommates are superb, made progressions in my previously non-existent love life, and there's sunshining in SF. I really have nothing to complain about. Of course, this life long rollercoaster has been in its inclining state...it can either flatline or go down (i am hoping for more incline tho). Just going to live it one day at a time and prepare for anything that might possible drop my mood down to its lowest point (oh my..what a pessimistic viewpoint...i must be PMSing hahah..)

I recently attended an AIDS forum. It was quite an experience. We've heard throughout our lives that AIDS is a very prevalent disease and we all need to watch out for it. In reality...do we really? None of us really think that it can happen to us and hence...don't give it much attention. Hey...as long as i'm not the one right? However, it is just amazing how once we do find out "someone" has HIV/AIDS...we immediately approach the person with caution and treat the person with discrimination without knowing. It was definitely quite a revelation to hear individuals living with HIV/AIDS speaking at the forum. The society is unsympathetic to their conditions and treat them unjustly. We always speak of discrimination as the segregation against the colors...what about the disabled and the diseased?!? NONE of us really are aware of the discrimination they must live with. Family turn away from them, society dispise them, significant others leave them, and worst of all...the loss of their own self-respects. As they walk on the street, go to interviews, interact with friends and family...they must endure the queer eyes looking their way and judgements/presumptions made by others.

HIV/AIDS is a disease...a disease that can be prevented if we only would've paid more attention to it. It has killed more people than the World Wars and the Holocaust...yet at the same time..because it is not "me" or "us" that contracted such a horrendous disease...we don't give it much thought. We shouldn't discriminate against those with HIV/AIDS ..and of course this extends to the disabled and the ones with other diseases. U think they want the disease? It's hard enough living with the side effects of the medications, pouring out savings for the expensive therapy, and the fear of dying any minute....the last thing they need is the lack of support from the ones they love so dearly and their community.

We shouldnt be fearful of the people with HIV/AIDS...they're just like every one of us...except with lower T-cell counts and a weaker immune system...which makes them more susceptible to infections. Treat them with compassion and just put yourself in their shoes...how would you feel if you're one of them?

Care for the ones around you...offer them support through thick and thin...'cause u'll never know when you'll need them to be on your side.

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Stress Free
2) Alarm Clock free
3) Chore free
4) Disease Free
5) Exam Free!

Hoot Hoot..(Ô.Ô)

2005-09-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

OMG...my fear has come true...i am officially an insomniac. I can go through a whole day..running on 4hrs of sleep...and not feel tired at all! the pathetic part is...when i actually do get a chance to sleep in during the weekends...i can only sleep for 6hrs max! it sux booty to wake up and see you clock strikes 8am... -_-" There are various pros and cons to such a habit. Pro: I have become the almighty energizer bunny that NEVER stops, I have made an evolutionary advancement...which contrares to majority of you that are stuck in your primitive state, and of course....i have 18hrs in a day instead of 16hrs! Opposing the pros: I probably will age sooner than all of you, my immune system will go on strikes and protests more frequently than all of your's, and my caffeine addiction will stretch to infinity.

I thought age would get to me by now and my adrenaline would eventually die down...leaving me a tired body that savors nice and LONG nites of sleep. Apparently...my adrenaline pump continues to be on overdrive and i'm more wired than ever! scary thought isnt it? me...more wired...geez...if this continues..i'll be in the insane asylum in no time (and you know you've been wanting to commit me into the mental institution already...dont look away..yea you...u know it crossed your mind at some point!). I'm not sure how long i can keep up with this long days and nites...but hey..as long as my body's holding up..i'm gonna continue to take advantage of this neverending energy burst.

It is funny tho...reflecting back on the good ol' childhood days. You have the time and the luxury to have plenty of sleep. Yet, we always want to stay up longer and late into the nite...until parentals step in with the firm voice tone and hawl our a$$es to bed. Now...sleep is a luxury...something we deprive ourselves from...either because of the lack of time or just plain ol' psycho. If only i would've known back in those carefree days..i would catch up on all the sleep i can possibly get!

*Wind up Aileen* i'm going....and going...and going...and going...and going....

4 years later
------------>

Simple Pleasure in Life
1) Drama free
2) Care free
3) Smoke free
4) Drug free
5) Smog free

Still Alive

2005-09-25T01:11:00.000-07:00

Wow...time sure passed by quick. School started for me and craziness have dawned on me once again. I almost forgot what it was like to be a student once again. PharmD program ain't a joke...it's a lot more intense than i anticipated. I've only had 1 1/2 weeks of school and i'm behind already! sheesh! nerdom will be my status once again and you all will see me less and less on online. I appologize for fpossible urture infrequent blogging. I will however report to you whenever i get a chance to. The good thing is...i'm really enjoying my life here in SF and really got to know some wonderful people. I'm glad i'm here and I'm pumped with what i will do! with all that said...how you all doing?!? *wink*

I have never felt so out of control of my life until lately. I feel like a drunk driver, believing i'm driving a straight line...when in fact...i'm just swerving left and right. a lot of curve ball's been thrown at me during the past month. Some wonderful...some...umm..not so great. I have established new career goals and found a new purpose in life. I refined and created new connection to the previously almost non-existent love territory. It's all very strange...being the organized person that I am. I am never known as a risk taker nor am i known for my adventurous nature (i am crazy...but safely first!). However, whatever craziness that happened to me...made me feel...perhaps some chaos is good. It makes you aware that you're still "living" and spice up the mundane routines a bit. Regardless of how chaotic things are...things are falling into place quite nicely. Sorta like...tossing dices...even tho it's random and u dont know what numbers will show...but heck..i'm winning! mwa ha ha ha ha.. I must have done something right...if only i know what that is.... (o.O) I understand i'm perhaps being fairly "vague" with this entry....but I can't really quite put my hands on what's going on. I am lost, confused, scared, and yet...at the same time...liberated, happy, and content. i really should lower my gear and be more susceptible to changes. open my heart up a bit more and be accepting to the options around me. guarding myself and playing it "safe" should be a thing of the past. give certain things a shot...even as a blind woman...u never know unless you try right? let's just hope i dont crash and burn..heh..

On another note...SF's been sunny! i've never been so happy in seeing the sun. Oh sunshine...how i miss you so...how i love you so...and how i want you so...will you please stay for just a while longer?!? you socal folks....i envy you...dont take the sun and the warmth for granted! you're all blessed in comparison to majority of the world suffering various weather conditions that are less than ideal (btw...prayer goes out to victims in Katrina and another prayer goes out to the people who's suffering Rita...and you noticed...how they name all the hurricanes females?!? i think it's rather fitting =P)

i'm tired...i'm exhausted...my immune system's protesting for the lack of sleep...and i'm eccstatic about what's to come... =D

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) When you find out someone's thinking about you
2) Being silly and making faces
3) Watching others be silly and make a fool out of themselves
4) Potlucks (heck..any food makes me happy =D)
5) When you catch the muni just in time

Nothing Clever

2005-09-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

On Play don't stop: Plans
By: Death Cab for Cutie
Recommended Song: I Will Follow You Into the Dark

I have become such a homebody...thanks to the wonderful SF weather. While you SoCal folks enjoy your sunshine and beach....i must endure the BUTT cold weather and dress like a caveman. All part of adaptation to the new environment i suppose ...so suck it up and stop whining Aileen!!! My homebody status allowed me to bond with my housemates...and I am one lucky chica to be living with 3 hottie senõritas (but sorrie dudes..they're all taken..one's even married). I realized some estrogen in my life is good for my mental health. I became quite an unsensitive gal this past year because of testosterone overload in my life (nothing against you dudewhadds...but just like the fatty in n' out burgers you must sacrifice once in a while for the sake of your health..i must refrain from you guys for the sake of my however miniscure "girliness" =P) lots of errands running and as you saw in my previous post...my nice little home away from "home" is coming along quite nicely. My humble abode welcomes your visit =D . We are also having an extra addition to our lovely new home too...and he'll be the man of the house...our very own Toby! don't be messing with this yorkie..u'll have 4 mamas on your tail if u dare! hahah..

Seeing 3 couples in my house reignited my faith in relationships (the continuous viewing of the Men's US. Open might add a bit of incentives too...dang..those tennis men are pretty delicious to watch =P). It's hard to imagine that these girls are my age too..and yet..they're so....settled! Talking to them really makes me feel the age catching up...have we gotten to that point in our lives that marriage is under consideration in every relationships we get ourselves into? wow..time really waits for no one. I am sure the 80% female population will be a great help to my singledom status -_-" It is nevertheless exciting to see what destiny has in the stores for me. it's the mysteries in life and the wonders of love that constantly keep me on my toes and yearning for some answers. Then again...i still foresee myself...30...single...and marrying one of my back up dudes! hahah.. Shout out to my back ups...may the force be with you and you know who you are..hahha..

I do realize that I have found my happy self once more...the cynicism still exists..but the dorkiness never ceased. Let's keep this cheeriness going before the gloom and fog of school overcasts my sunny mood. Orientation starts soon and I will once again partake in the "ice breaker" games i dispised so much now a days. Have I become a bitter and antisocial being? HA..perhaps in my blogs..but in person...i'm quite a deceivance. Let's put on my social self and let the UCSF Pharm school party show begin!

This is a reminder to you of the dorky inner Aileen that's never lost...even with the test of time. SMILE and dont miss me too much!!! >=D

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Putting your feet in the furry slippers
2) Munching on some $1.50 Costco hotdogs
3) Riding public transportation...FOR FREE! (more like...i forgot my wallet and i got away with not paying =P)
4) Talking to my mama..who's a Pacific Ocean away...on the phone
5) Arguing with my sister...who's 8hrs away...on AIM

Mah Crib

2005-09-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

After a few day of errands, essential purchases, and decoration obsessiveness....i'm finally all settled in my new house, getting comfy in my living domain, exploring the city...and blogging for you (and mostly my) entertainment. You may ask...how is it up in the hurray area? so far...my only thought is...IT'S FREAK'N COLD! i admit, i AM a wuss and totally spoiled by the SoCal heat and sun. It is weird to be out in the 57 degree weather during the month of September. I am considering buying a heater for my room already! however, all in all...it is still exciting and different. Now...with satellite dish network TV and internet all set up...this will be better than the first few days of living it...barbaric style. Food in SF has been above and beyond satisfactory. I feel as if i am back at my homeland...with unlimited good asian food and asians walking around (guess it's not too much of a deviation from the great city of LA). Am I homesick? just a tad bit...but as of now...I am enjoying my freedom once more...2 months of "home" sitting is not pleasant in my book. Thanks for those that called me and msged me on my bday....it meant a lot...in particularly in this strange city where I am still desperately trying to learn my public transportation routes. A massive gratitude goes out to my sister...i love you more than you know and yes...i will miss you =) *goose bumps*

keeping this entry short and simple...lots of observations and thoughts running through my head. my brain's been running hay wire with the input of all these information on this brand new life. For now...i'll leave you with some pictures of my crib and my adventures.

My Bedroom

My house

China Town, Union Square, UCSF =D

life is grand....no time to waste...time to deal!

Simple Pleasure in Life
1) Seeing a crowd of people walking on the street at midnite
2) Embrace my warm blanket during cold SF summer day
3) Satellite Dish Network TV!!
4) Driving is not required to get to places
5) Adventuring in the place unknown to me

Coming of a New Age

2005-08-26T15:23:00.000-07:00

This is my last post in the great SoCal area. As hard as it is to believe, I will be moving to the El Yay area manana. A bitter sweet feeling festers inside me. Leaving a place where I know o so well to a place filled with unknowns can be exciting...and scary. Letting go of the family and friends I hold so dear...is never an easy task. I know I am going to norcal..it's not the end of the world...but a lot can change in 3~4 years. People come, people go....things change..people change..you never know what might happen. With that in mind...my sentimental nature kicks in. Will this be the last time I see a lot of you? Will I be in touch with all of you? Will I be forgotten? (pssssh...riiiight...i'm too unforgettable..hahah..) I will definitely miss quite a few things...such as cruising down the busy freeway, bumping my music way up high during traffic, socal sun, socal beach, all the glam, the fancy clubs, the food, the vast emptiness, and of course...friends and family...sitting together spitting boba balls. Some good times...even with all the bad...still quite an advanture.

Now...new place, new age, and new chapter, new dramas (which i hope there will be none), and new life. Hitting my big 2-3 and going into 4 years of hell. oh goody goody joy. Last nite, I attended a USC health and sciences party. It was fun...but it's just funny how everyone's the same as me. Heading into a new territory with questions and excitements. It's also funny the type of impressions I have on my friends and the new ones I meet. Saw some old friends that never partied with me and was totally in shock to see the party animal that I am...and the ones that ONLY partied with me are surprised to hear I have the nerdy side...afterall i AM going to UCSF School of Pharmacy. With every new person you meet, you're like a blank piece of paper...they know nothing about you and you are suppose to fill them in with the 411s about yourself. Hence, there are always chances for reinvention every single time you go to some place new. How do I wanna present myself in this new environment has been a question in my mind. No doubt I want to be real...but can the "real" be accepted and handled by the mass? Or do I chose to be superficial and stay at the surface so I can guard my inner self from public criticisms? One thing for sure...I will always have the mentality...there's only ONE Aileen...TAKE IT or LEAVE IT! hehe.. now...back to the world of nerdom...baibai SoCal and......

HELLO SAN FRANCISCO!!!

and oh yes..how can I forget......

Happy 23rd bday to mua! mwa ha ha ha ha ha... Aileen..have a cake on yourself..you deserved it =D

What a boring post...thanx for reading =P

Simple Pleasures in Life

- reflecting on the good memories of SoCal.... =D

2046

2005-08-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

It is now 1am...I'm still awake...what in the world am I doing at this time? Nothing...just this urge to blog and talk to this computer screen i stared at for so long. Days pass by slow and boredom catches on quick when you have no responsibilities. I start to forget the details of each day...such as what I did, what I ate, and what I said. Just a blur...a blurry summer...and a haze in my mind. It is not my nature to sound all...umm.."down"...but hey..you all can use some change (perhaps I already desensitized you with my continuous "hyperism"..this ought to wake you guys up) I have just finished watching the movie 2046. It's a chinese film, which should be out as an Indie film soon in the states. I liked the movie...liked it so much that I am blogging about it. I recommend you all to watch it.

After watching the movie...a lot of thoughts are running through my head. The movie got me thinking a lot. Why? I would like to think it's because it's a deep movie and I am simply appreciating the "deep" aspects of movie by chewing on it in my mind (that or I am just a natural and a pro in "films" haha...riiight...) Possibly, it is only because I can identify with all the characters in the movie...identify with the storyline...it tells my long time inner struggles that I avoided all this time. Why am I blogging about it to let out this "secret" for the world to see? As we all know..anything extremely personal should be prohibited in blogs...you never know who might be reading. I just want to share this secret to this thing called "internet"...and whomever that might read it...I hope you can get something out of it.

The theme in this movie is this place called "2046" (no duh aileen...get to the point already). People go to this place to find this one particular memory that they once lost, and they usually stay there. Most people who went to that place...never returns. It's a fictional place in the movie...it's a place where the main character wishes to go to in his mind...but find himself unable to stay in that place (sounds complicated i know...but you really have to see the movie to find out).

The movie got me interpreting my own personal love life...or perhaps..your's as well. There's this "one" person that creates the 2046 in our mind. This person let you experience something you've never felt before. You input in emotions...and your all. It's a place of no return once you have decided to give it your everything. You might lose the person...but the memory stays...the emotions will always be remembered. You're permanently "scarred". Afterall...it's made its impression and its imprint in your mind and your heart. You often wishes to go back to that familiar place in your heart and wishes to experience that same emotions again...but more than likely...it's never quite the "same". You might encounter others in this process...some might be just a "replacement"...only because the person and the experience reminded you of what it once was like...but yet..in the end..you know u're only fooling yourself. you might give up at times and just dive into the "pleasures"....believing maybe you might be happier this way...afterall...that "one"experience hurts you so...you ache every single time you go close to it...so might as well close it up so you won't be in pain anymore. One thing for sure...regardless of how much we give up, or how much we wish to avoid it....we still linger around that "one"experience ...in search of one day we will once again be able to create another one just like it...but no more pain.

We always want to know if we're that "one" special experience to our partner. We try so very hard...because afterall...if he/she made that strong of an impression in your mind and in your heart...you wish to have the same impact as well. It hurts a lot to know perhaps you're just one of many to that significant other. We all wish to have our own imprints in others' hearts. When you know you're none other than the norm...u're just like the "others"...while they're your "2046"...it'll bring nothing but pain. What we fail to realize is that..maybe that person already have his/her own "one" experience for which they treasure. You can't expect to replace or to create a new one just like it that easily. Regardless of how eager we want to be "special"...more often than not...you'll never unlock that secret place again.

Will we experience that "true" and that "one" experience again? perhaps...maybe sometimes in the future...maybe never. We all want to give up from time to time...call it quits. Afterall...you might be hurt again if you decide to unlock that place in your heart. However, there will never be hope if you give up. Hope can only occur in those that never gives in. Regardless of how many times you wound yourself...you still keep at it.

I always question myself...am I someone's "2046"? I know I have experienced my "2046"...and to tell the truth...I'm running away from it...because it brings only pain. Took me a while to "restart"....but every single time..when someone comes remotely close...when i "feel" i have unlocked and touched that secret place....i wanna close it up again...fearing that once again I'll be wounded. I have become a quitter. When will I have the courage to try again...and even if it brings more pain...I will keep going at it like a trooper? I have no idea...but I wish to have hope.

Who's your 2046? are you a quitter? or are you a die hard trooper? Wish you're the latter....

Simple Pleasure in Life
1) Eating watermelon on a hot summer night
2) Having epiphanies
3) Watching Zoolander
4) Eating dinner with family
5) Bdays

All That Glam

2005-08-13T14:36:00.000-07:00

When I run out of things to do on the internet...I generally proceed to update my blog to waste some time. I am updating now....so what does that imply? *wink* I will soon be moving to SF...in 2 weeks to be exact. I've been sustaining my "carless" status for 2 weeks already! I feel like I went back in time to the primitive days...and that is prior to getting my license and car to be exact...when not even jack sh*t can be done. Being in southern california without your personal mean of transportation (HA...like the public transportation actually works...what's the Metrolink doing in downtown LA anywayz? does it even run to anywhere?) sux a$$. I've been getting a lot of "am I happy to move?". To some degree...yes..i'm ECCSTATIC! The feeling of having a refreshed start and exploring a new city is quite remarkable. Leaving all the dramas and past history behind..start with a new life (with more dramas to come). However, the feeling of departure from friends and family brings tears to my eyes. Yea yea yea..I know it's only NorCal and SoCal....but I just know my tendencies...I'll get so busy that I won't be coming back..and i know YOU (yea you...who's reading and knows me...but seriously..who reads this crap?!?) probably will give me the excuse of "it's too far" and never visit >=( i saw right through your plans! Another is that I finally got acquainted with LA...this is the first time I stayed in LA for an extended periods of time post the age of 21...explored a lot of the LA scenes...and I'm starting to develope a liking for the city. Just right when I'm about to like it..i'm heading off to somewhere far...shucks!

I will soon be hitting the old folgie stage...23...what an age. As much as people like to tell me..."that's still young!"...it probably is..but i do feel the age catching up to me. I can no longer "get down" in party atmospheres like i used to. I think about sleeping and going home at 10pm and being a homebody is acceptable for me. 20's suppose to be a person's prime...3 years has passed...I feel like i'm lagging behind...with no committed relationship, no career, no savings, and just more schooling. It almost seems like I have taken back a step. How does this whine and gripe talk have anything to do with my entry? You will see... (but seriously...when does ANY of my randomness pertained to the topic of my entries? i'm only getting your hopes up only to drop you down to the pit later..mwa ha ha ha ha..actually..that's not even funny...i'm just lame, doh!)

I've been into the whole "club" scene in LA for the past 2 weeks. LA is the city of gLAm. Clubs are all decked out and everyone bring on their best game hoping to score some. You see guys with their sexually horny eyes gawking at plastic girls...wait..i mean..fake girls..wait i mean..superficial girls...doh! i mean..umm.."pretty" girls. Guys size each other up and girls scale their competitions (the contest is...who's your hoochie mama! and who cakes on the most make up!) Just like Chicago the Musical...it is just All that Glam!

C'mon babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that Glam.. I'm gonna rouge my cheeks and pull my jeans down, And all that Glam.. Start the car I know a whoopee spot, where the rum is cold but the DJ's hot... It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl, and all that glam!

In the midst of all the youngin's..enjoying their legal drinking age status...you'll see an occassional few man/woman in their late 20's and early 30's. Just the other day...I was at a club...I witnessed two women in their late 20's, perhaps early 30's...looking all plastic and hooch...standing there...awaits for their next desireable dumb and horny young victim. THAT is when it hits me....omg...I wish I won't be one of them when i'm at their age! I think about it again...I will be at their age in no time!!! (dude...time passes by quickly ok!) Men might be like fine wine...only gets better with age. Women on the other hand...are like pickles..they turn SOUR with age! I don't think I will want to go clubbing...dressing all hooch.."pretending" I'm young...when in fact I am a step in too deep into the hell of middle age. I am in no way implying old folks should not go clubbing and have fun...by all means...go for it! I will probably still be enjoying my grooves then (if my hips and knees dont give up on me by that time =P) . However, none of that Sex and the City...single, in the 30's, and hunting for male prospects in the clubs. That to me is...you cant get over the fact that you're no longer the hot commodity on the market. It is just sad to see those two women standing there, waiting for a guy to hit up on them...when in fact..the guys are busy with the "hurray for 21" girls. I got enough "oh...I gotta go....my friend's calling me....nice meeting you" talk when i proceed to say i'm 23! (eh...close enough to 23 anywayz).

Call this a quarterlife crisis if you may (more of that talk to come in the next few years)...and the people who are a year or two older than me can smack me if you want to. Seriously...time waits for no one...time to kick it up a knotch!

(----end rant------)

P.S. HAPPY BDAY to Amy and Frank!

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) When everyone's on time
2) Turning down unwanted guys
3) Being in a room with your crush
4) Looking at old pictures
5) Ranting

Miss Me?

2005-08-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

After a long wait and anticipation...I have once again resumed blogging. Have I forgotten about my blog? No....it's been on my mind. I know I "should" update...but I simply got too lazy =P A little highlight...I"m back to the US of A once again. Returned to the land of the free as my fobby self...oh goody (guess there's never such thing as "you're TOO fobby") Mostly because of my hair i suppose...curly and light...what a great combo. Taiwan was a blast because there's a lack of emotional turmoils this time around...i'm FREE! Plan now? just chilling in LA...enjoying the absolute heat...and be content with my bumming status...it wont last for long. I will be moving up to SF on the 28th. I will however have a little Bday/Farewell pool party thing sometimes in the month of August (further details will be announced in the near future).

Part of the reason why I havent been updating because I have lost my cynical self. Due to experimental reductions and reasonings...I have concluded that my cynicism and to a lesser degree...partial nihilism.. resulted from my hatred for work and my lab. Now that work and lab's over...i'm back to my happy and vivacious self. Don't really have anything profound, insightful, or sarcastic to say. My mind...has been just "blank" lately. I am tired of a lot of things...relationships, family issues, and my so called "deep" thoughts. Perhaps I am just through with Socal...ready for a new life and have a clean slate. Or maybe...because I am happy...with happiness..you're reluctant to reflect on the "life" issues. This is probably why we all need sufferings. When you're constantly happy...you don't learn. You are just emersed in your own positive energy and just want to avoid sadness. You'll only appreciate happiness after you experienced hardships. Otherwise...how would we know what complacency is? Just like..you won't appreciate money if you're Bill Gates' offsprings. You'll only appreciate it when you have lost it or never had it. My past year experience was quite a challenge....but because of all those challenges to my brain and emotions....i start to appreciate this new found "nothingness" and "airheadedness". Placing everything aside...and just enjoying the company of friends and family. It is probably the calm before the storm. Before I fill you guys with complaints about school and all those exams......i'll refrain for now. it'll come in time..no worries! hahah.. afterall i DO rant like a mad supernova!

My first update in a month...and yet...i have nothing interesting to say. To make up for it...i'll end with the following observations.... it has come to my attention that we like to be "fair". whether it's between siblings, co-workers, gf/bf, or shopper vs. marketable labels...we hate to be "gipped". We always like to bargain the best deal we can get and even splitting the bills has to be 50/50. "i love you more than you love me" is often a common phrase we hear in every relationship. "how come you got a bigger piece?" is often a complaint we hear between little kids. With all that said....is there such thing as absolute fairness??? I think fair...is more or less...as long as "I" am not the one getting the lower end of the bargain. It's just a matter of who's willing to forgo their privilege more than the other person. Even if you split pies down the center after measuring with a ruler...how can you be sure it's absolutely perfectly down the middle? Yes you measured with a ruler...but it's bound to be a mm off! There is no such thing as fairness...it's just..."don't gip me". "you win some you lose some" is a saying we all know...but in reality it's more.."i want to win more and lose none". Why do we care so much about being fair when there's no absolute fairness? for the peace of mind? I think it's more a self-fulfilling prophecy and justification for our own selfishness. Using fairness as an excuse to cover up for our selfish tendencies. There's gotta be a winner and a loser...it's just a matter of who is ok with losing a little more than the other person. With that in mind....we all need to learn to just let go.... knowing there's no absolute fairness...as long as we're not gipped too bad, it's all good. For those of you who hate being the loser..just think...with more pie..that person's more prone for illnesses from all the unhealthy sugars the person's consuming...so you win in the long run! die b*tch for eating more pie..mwa ha ha a ha (just an exaggeration to get my point across...in no way is that a representation of what i think about when you get more than me...or is it? o.O)

i ranted as always...i do wanna see all of you before i head to the el-yay (ripped from frank) area. for now...peace out from H-town. Y(^.^)Y (hmm...i guess i do need to get over my fobby self....that's a fobulicious moment right there)

P.S. a shout out to Juan....HAPPY BDAY!!! \(^O^)/

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Dancing the nite away
2) Finding a guy that can keep up with you on the dance floor
3) Alky buzz
4) Having not a care in the world
5) Checking out a hot guy

Eeeeeeek!

2005-07-13T13:05:00.000-07:00

Apologies to you all who just can't wait to hear about my adventures in Taiwan, I forgot about my blog. So far, all I've been doing are eating, watching soap operas, eating, enduring the heat, shopping, eating, family gatherings, snacking, bumming, ooo..did i mention eating??? =P Attended my cousin's wedding...and everything's as expected. My cousin was the prettiest bride ever (no joke, my cousin's really hot), my sister and i attracted quite a lot of "unnecessary" attention (low cut bride's maid dress is apparently uncommon in Taiwan), got to see the whole family, and of course... lots of "excessive" questioning regarding my love life. All in all, it was a joyous occassion...with LOTS of good food (two gigs of banquets...lunch AND dinner! BOOYA!), good times w/family, and watching my cousin being a happy bride =D Pictures will be posted in the near future. My future plans? no Phuket Island (it was a wishful thinking after all... *sigh*) but I am going to Pong Hu (an island off of the coast of Taiwan) w/mah familia...should be fun. Returning to states on the 27th...hit me up!

What kind of fear do you have? fear of heights? fear of lightning? fear of snakes? fear of crowds? whatever fear it is...it's enough to bring chills up'n down our spines. Why do we fear these things? Some of them are expected because they relate to the "death" factor...and most of us fear death. As of why we fear death? perhaps because we don't know what lies beyond death...and the fear of being buried under that thick layer of soil...the lack of "existence". We all say you gotta "face your fear"...but how can it be a fear if you can face it head on? Fear by definition IS A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger..and it is also a state or condition marked by this very feeling. If you can conquer those "emotions"...then you no longer "fear"...if you no longer "fear"..then there is no such thing as "facing your fear" (that's just what i think...not absolute..u're welcome to beg to differ) One thing for certain...fear is often a stumbling block in this process called "life" and often the factor that makes people lose their money in reality shows.

I must admit...I am a sissy...because I fear insects...and by "insects" i mean ALL insects! I'm so scared of them that I can't even kill an ant! (yea yea yea...laugh all you want). Story goes...I was about to shower...I stripped naked and ready to savor the feeling of warm water and cleaniness. Right when i was about to step into the shower...I saw this GIANT cockroach right at the middle of the bath tub. I was SCARED out of my mind! I ran out of the shower screaming and calling for help...might i remind you...I was STILL naked! I knew I had to get rid of it before I can even get myself to shower...but I couldnt get my body to do ANYTHING. I could only stand there...staring at it with fear...the cockroach seems to be looking at me and laughing with evilness. My sister came to the rescue in the end...laughing...because there is her older sister...NAKED...screaming...jumping up and down...with the cockroach having its way. We ended up drowning it with hot water...scooped it up with a container and send it down to its toilet grave. I became the laughing stock and the entertainment of the night...oh the mockery. The liberation from the insect threat however, was a schweeeet one..TAKE THAT cockroach!

That same night..enjoying the A/C..trying to forget the "cockroach attack" incident..i proceeded to the state of REM. Long and behold...in my dream...I was at a sandy beach enjoying the sun. The beach was very unusual..it was FILLED mass algaes. Right when me and company were witnessing the spectacles...a GIGANTORE spider...like...the ones in giant spider movies...appeared! It somehow has a liking for me and ATTACKED ME!! I was running lifeless, and in the end, the ginormous spider sprang up right on top of me! i SCREAMED! and....i woke up. I pretty much woke up everyone because my scream was so loud and my body gave an exaggerated jerk. Great....cockroach in real life and spiders in my dream. I foresee the endless mockery and me being the laughing stock for the week to come. Oh joy.

There you have it..my embarrassement and my fear for insects. So much for facing my own fears. If you want to scare the bigeezes outta me...throw me an ant or two...you're bound to get a satisfactory reaction. -_-" *sigh*

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Compliments (yea..who doesnt?)
2) Watching good soap operas
3) Liberation from insect threat
4) Good dreams
5) Eating good food

Estranged Homeland

2005-07-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

It is the 4th of July in Taiwan already...no fireworks (i can however buy them in local shops and be a pyrol), no bbq (which i can have just by going to the restaurant down the street from me), no celebrations (vacation count as a celebration? 0.O), no 3 day weekend (i am on vacation afterall)...just a plain mondane Monday with the dreadful feeling of "yet another week" (which i gladly exclude myself from). How is it in Taiwan? it is mah crib, where mah familia's at. There's nothing really special because I pretty much visit every year. I have also conveniently left my USB chord for my camera in LA...so you'll all just have to wait 'till I return to the states to see the pics I took and will be taking (fobby "peace" signs included). What are my plans for the month to come? Nothing other than lots of fooding, chilling, shopping, family gatherings, and o yes...I'M GOING TO THAILAND: PHUKET ISLAND! (or so I hope, unless my mom decides to withdraw funding for my highly anticipated trip to the paradise).

This place called Taiwan is home for me, and yet, I don't belong. Just by walking down the street, in the midst of the chinese crowd...other than my Chinky appearance and skin color...I really stick out like a sore thumb. The way i dress, my mannerisms, my physique, and all others that makes me "me" dont really belong here. I see queer eyes looking my way from all directions (or maybe i'm just being massively checked out by everyone...oh aileen..what hopeful thinking =P). I find myself estranged from my root. I think differently, I act differently, I listen to different music, and I even speak a whole different language. My chinesse was a diamond now reverted back to the rough and my knowledge of my "home" is worse than a kid. People can tell I am not from here as soon as I proceed to open my mouth and "speak" (which is what i do all the time anywayz). Friends and relatives treat me like a circus monkey..."let us hear some english!" they say. According to my fellow fobby friends and relatives, I am FULLY Americanized.

Yet on the other hand, back in the states, I am also treated as "different". I don't stick out like a sore thumb walking down the street, but my chinese is far more superior than my fellow peers (major plus for the parentals I must admit), my knowledge of Chinese culture and history is also better than those around me by 10 folds (HA! TAKE THAT!), and I still have somehwat of a "fobby" appearance (however miniscure it is). I think differently, act differently, I still listen to "some" different music, and I even speak a whole different language (hmm...deja vu?) My english (in particularly the grammatical aspects) is still a diamond in the rough and I am still considerably uneducated in my American culture. There are still words I can't pronounce correctly even if my life's dependent on it. I am still treated like a circus monkey by friends and relatives..."say something in chinese!" they say. I am considered as a fob, not an ABC....I at most pass as white wannabe.

Thus makes me feel....where do I belong? Where should I call home? Where IS my home? I am just some obscure Chinese-American/Fob-ABC/Asiany-White hybrid. As much as I wish for things to be black and white, I lie nicely in the gray.

regardless of where you are or where you belong...for every action there's a reaction...beware your action to prevent unwanted reaction (wow..i actually came up w/something profound! however random and unfitting to my entry it might be =P)

aileen the fob, the ABC, the chinese, the american....peace out!

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Reminiscing good memories
2) Tickling someone and watch them squirm
3) Cold drink on a hot day
4) Family gatherings
5) Sitting here...blogging my life away

Fobulicious

2005-07-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

Ah...in Taiwan once again. Seems like just not too long ago i visited my homeland. time to get in touch w/my ghetto fobulicious side once more! It's been less than 12 hrs since i arrived...and i'm jetlagging already. Woke up at freak'n 6am! just have to rough it through the day...nothing a little caffeine can't fix *wink* The humidity in Taiwan is rather obscene, thus reminded me why i have not returned to my homeland during the time of "summer" for 7 years. it's sticky, it's sweaty, and it's just gross..... -_-" what can i say..it's fantabulous!

Now off to something completely off topic (come on..it's me...i go off on my random tangents). Events in life are seriously series of unexpected happenings. You can plan for them...but more often than not...it throws curve balls. I knew that before, I know that now...but it's just different when u're the batter and the curve ball's thrown right at you. Don't you ever wish you can be like Ichiro? reading the pitcher...measuring the distance...set your eyes firmly on the ball..and have a high batting average and on base average regardless of what type of curve ball's thrown? I always wished i have a knack for reading "life" and the curve balls, but i am just fooling myself. I am nowhere near MLB standard. I am also a horrible gambler, can never read the cards on the table..can only hope that luck goes my way and score myself a full house. Even if i tried to be like Johnny Chang...reading the cards on the table, calculating my opponents, and the likelihood of me winning w/a losing hand or perhaps a winning hand...i still end up losing because of one freak'n card that messed up my royal flush (it only takes one...*sigh*) You can set up everything..believed you got this "life" thing planned and figured out...nonetheless...a little luck goes a long way.

i have a rough idea of what's going to happen in the next 4 years...but that only goes as far as going to UCSF for pharm school, nerding it, going back home on the long weekends, and then most likely it'll be so-cal for rotations (or so i think). As of what might throw down in those 4 years...i have no freak'n clue. We always like to think we're in control of life..but that's all delusional. In particularly the "relationship" aspects... i stopped planning for that...it's useless. Maybe it is good to "lose control" (literally and philosophically). we all have the potentials of going on some wild rides...it's a matter of having the courage to get ourselves onto that ride of "unknown". risk taker? i'm not one..but i'd like to experiment to see if i have that gambler inside me.

A quote i'd like to share w/you..don't think it pertains to this particular post..but it's a good quote from the movie The Wedding Date (yes...i do watch chick flicks from time to time..in particularly on a 12hrs flight). it goes..

The hardest part of love isn't loving someone, but having the courage to let them love you back

that's some courage...a courage i don't have...and a courage i should have.

Aileen on the flip side of the world...out!

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Having the AC on during a hot and HUMID summer day in Taiwan
2) Putting on ear phones to shut yourself from the annoying hs girls giggling and talking about stupid stuff on a 12hrs flight
3) Cuddling
4) Getting yourself a bargain
5) The feeling of "home"

The End

2005-06-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

In contingence w/my last post...this is also a good bye post. I am moving out of Sunny Day Go permanently today! Wow...five years...zoomed by faster than space traveling! A lot of growth, learning, memories, friends, relationships, and etc. occurred within the past 5 years. The five years entailed lots of laughters, dramas, sadness, hardships, and joy. I am who I am today because of all the people and events. Too much to say, so many people to pay special tributes to...and so lazy to type everything all up =P let's just end with...Thanx everyone, everything, and I will indeed miss it all =)

10 things i learned from SD
1) The sun is only a deception...the happy prelude before the rolling of the fog (get your hopes up, dress all "summer'ish"...and freeze you butt off mid day -_-")
2) Burritos...the way balanced meal should be!
3) Don't EVER have midnite cravings...nothing will be open!
4) Downtown La Jolla is the hub of ritsiness
5) The retarded traffic lights are more annoying than the people that can't drive in SD
6) TJ is only 30min away....enough said
7) Some gas stations in SD probably make a living by selling things other than gas....
8) PB Bar and Grill is a meat market
9) Towing companies work hard in SD
10) I heart SD =)

I will be in Taiwan for the month of July (literally) and LA for the month of August (figuratively speaking..)

No good byes...because I know I'll hunt you all down fo sho!

'tis marks The End of my SD chapter...let the SF chapter begin!

Simple Pleasure in Life
- enjoying SD and the company of friends..... =D

Happy Ending

2005-06-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

Alas....my last day at work. As much as I wish to say "I am sad to leave, I'll miss work, blah blah blah blah...." I really can't. Why? Because I am ECCSTATIC!!!! This marks the end of another chapter of my life....the the liberation from my lab rat status...and I have once again regained my freedom (before I commit myself into another slave-driving institution of UCSF School of Pharmacy..oh joy). Can't leave work w/o leaving one last blogging post...afterall...it's the boredom and my hatred for work that spawns my creativity of ideas for my blogging posts!

I have grown a lot in the past year working in this hell hole of The Scripps Research Institute: The Schlaepfer's lab. I have also learned a lot. I've grown into this cynical and bitter individual. I have also come to my senses that real world is anything but "peachy". You might despise school, exams, hw, and etc (i'm sure i'll complain, whine, and gripe about it when the time comes)...but seriously...it ain't nothing in comparison to paying bills, responsibilities, and being a sell out. Work and real world can b*tch slap exams and schools to the other side of the room w/ONE finger! You think waking up at 8am for a class that only occurs twice a week is bad?!? try waking up every freak'n morning and try to get to work by 9am and home at 7pm!! the constant alertness you must have while at work (you never know when your boss' spying on you) and the need to "pretend" you're busy can drain the living soul outta ya! Procrastination breeds productivity....it ain't the case w/work...because you're not given the luxury of "procrastination"...you're suppose to be in the constant mode of "production". In school, you have the "popularity" contest....at work...this turns into POWER STRUGGLES! 10x worse than "who has more friends". may the force be with the people at the bottom of the totem pole (i am at the bottom NO MORE!)

w/all that said...here are the 10 things i learned from work...

1) You can't cure cancer (whoever claims that..they're lying!)
2) Paid vacations are perhaps the best concept anyone can come up with
3) What are the different means of accessing Aim without your boss EVER finding out about you chatting at work (anyone knows netscape have built in Aim? *wink*)
4) All the nerdy BAD bio puns (FAK this!!!)
5) How to sleep with your eyes open during 2hrs long lab meetings
6) Coffee is awesome and paychecks are SCHWEEEET!
7) How to waste work resources and boss' money (like now..sitting here...using work's comp...getting paid and NOT doing any work!)
8) Dry ice makes great bombs
9) You can save money by copying text books using the copiers at work!
10) WORK SUX!!!!!

Ending on a good note...paying special tributes to the following individuals/things: Dan, Satya, Trang, Shawn, Roshni, Holly, David Kim, Jared, Datsun, blogspot, xanga, naruto manga, bleach manga, and all the people that chatted w/me on Aim (namely Lin-Duh Cow, Brian Tom, Vinh, Dave...and a lot of others that I didn't mention because I am too darn lazy to type everyone's name down). You guys are the contributors to my still-existing-miniscure sanity. Apologize to you all for my whining and griping...meeting me was the doom of your auditory and (to a certain extent) visual senses. guess u'll just have to LIVE W/IT! hahah.. j/k

with this i leave you....AILEEN OUT!!!!

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) landing of a 10hrs flight
2) A Dr. Pepper that just quenches your thirst like none other
3) Relieving bladder over capacity
4) Sleeping on the beach with the sun shining bright
5) LAST DAY OF WORK!

I Love You DMV Shakes BOTH Fists in Air

2005-06-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

This is an old post I had that fully expressed my love (or the lack there of) for our praise worthy *gags* DMV...

Why we love DMV (Department of Mental Vanquishment…wait..i mean..Department of Motor Vehicles)

1) They are orderly (hot dang…long line forming at 7am already!)

2) They are efficient (B001…5hrs later…B005…*sigh*)

3) They are convenient (what?!? The nearest DMV is 30min away???)

4) They work around the clock for YOU (huh??? They’re closed on a random Monday?? And wha??? They’re open at 9am on Wednesdays? And eh?? They’re not opening this week????)

5) They allow you to interact w/fellow model citizens of the United Sates (umm..the creepy guy next to me’s talking to me again…ok..now he’s just talking to himself)

6) They are customer oriented (would the lady stop yelling already! And dang it…don’t gimme no attitude..i waited in line!)

7) They provide a friendly environment (holy crap..the security guard went bizerk! Duck!!!)

8) They entertain you while you wait (ooo…look at the #’s changing on the monitor..and wow..the ladies all look so fat...)

9) They utilize the technologies necessary to ensure proficient performance and ultimately quality customer service (8am….9am…10am…2pm…*sigh* their computer system’s still down…)

10) They influence you to become the model citizens of United Sates (urge to kill…rising…)

Story goes that my registration is about to expire...and I still have yet to receive my renewal notice in the mail. I called them, they hung up on me a few times, waited on the line for a long a$$ time, etc. Alas, i got through. Apparently...my vehicle registration is under some REALLY strange address..how it got changed, i have ABSOLUTELY NO F#%$ING CLUE!!! *sigh* now i have to pay for their stupidity and their incompetency...oh joy. Good to know this is where my tax dollars go. -_-"

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) no line at DMV (hahahahah...in a billion years perhpas)
2) no more automated voice system (oh aileen...u're so funny)
3) Shaking fist in air
4) Eating my life away
5) Sleeping my nights away

Advanced Fundamentals of Physics

2005-06-16T16:46:00.000-07:00

I officially have 49 hrs and 15 min left of work... excellent *mr. burne's finger twirling and twisted smile* Despite my urge to do something evil to the lab that caused me so much misery for the past 2 years...such as sabotaging solutions in lab so nothing works and perhaps contaminate the living hell out of this lab...I will not. Why? 1) I am too damn nice (gosh i hate myself for that), 2) it would indirectly affect the ones that I am actually fond of in this hell hole and make them suffer more than they alredy did...I can't possibly make myself to do that, and 3) I believe they expected it already (I am the evil aileen afterall)...so I must perform the "unexpected" by NOT doing anything..TAKE THAT. I will gracefully leave this lab as a better woman...well...maybe sticking a fat middle finger up, say "f$%# you", and let out a loud hysterical laugh wouldnt hurt =P

Continuing with my lecturing from the last post...I shall preach on the "laws of physics" some more...

As we all know, there are three fundamental law of physics, Newton's 3 laws of motion..and they are as follows:

1) Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
2) The relationship between an object's mass m, its acceleration a, and the applied force F is F = ma
3) For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

These three laws holds true in nature and it also holds true in the application of "real life" scenerios. This is what i call..the "advanced" fundamentals of physics..pushing physics to the next level! it's not only the laws of "motion"...it can also be laws of "work"/"school"/"home". The postulates are as follows:

1) A student/employee/kid in procratination tends to stay in procrastination unless an external force (profs/boss/parents) is applied to it
2) The age/work hours/time of a school/work/cleaning process is directly proportional to the flexibility F, given by the prof/boss/parents and inversely proportional to the student/employee/kid's motivation

Age or Time work/cleaning = flexibility/motivation
=> a = F/m
=> F = ma

This describes the forces encountered by a student/employee/kid. A student/employee/kid..even if highly motivated..may still remain in school/work/home given enough flexibility. As the motivation goes to zero, the duration of degree/work/"home sitting" goes to infinity.

3) For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction (very laymen...so the more miserable you are from working..the happier your prof/boss/parents will be. of course...the more you wanna be happy and be an lazy a$$...umm...you do the math)

Ah...facts of life explained by physics...marvelous. Look..what do you know...after finishing typing up this post..i have officially 48 1/2 hrs left of work! FANTASTIC!

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Winning a bet
2) Winning a free 20 oz soda from soda caps
3) Finding an awesome parking spot
4) Quenching thirst
5) Good hair day

Work It!

2005-06-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

Boredom breeds blogs...that's what I've come to conclude. I'd like to first congratulate those who are done w/finals..another round over and done with...I shall join the "endless nerding" supporting group in the upcoming fall...oh joy. I also would like to congratulate the seniors...you're done! unless you're going to be a super senior..then may the force be with you. The ones who are graduating...enjoy this joyous occassion...because it won't last. The hell of real world awaits you...and you're a foot in too deep already.

As promised when you visited this blog.. the preaching begins

The physics of work is a rather profound equation. W=Fd, W= work, F= force, and d=distance (I spelled it out for the people who remember nothing from their physics classes, slept through it, or just didnt care at all...hmm...welcome to my wasted 16 years of education) To do work, you must input force and distance. Without either of the two factors, there can be no "work".

Such a nature of work applies to real life as well...not just physics. To get work done...you must input some effort (aka get your lazy a$$ off the chair and be productive...which is exactly what i'm NOT doing). You also have to go to the "distance" to say you "worked". what does this distance mean....it means "progress". So to claim you accomplished any work...you must put in the effort and make some progress. If you only contributed effort but no progress made, you wasted your energy and will result in the equivalence of no work. In contingence, if you have progress but contributed absolutely NO effort (i dunno how that's possible..if you know how..please enlighten me and have me as your pupil =D), it's safe to say...you CHEATED or you're just a lucky bastard...and that work is not of your own but others....ergo...still zero work for you. Putting it this such a perspective...physics is useful afterall.

Reflecting on my past year at Scripps Research Institute: The Shlaepfer's lab...

F= 0, d=0 -------> W= (0)(0) => W= 0

damn.....I achieved no work. waste of a year? you betcha! but what a blissful waste of resources and boss' money! =D PROUD I AM!!!

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Eating a fat, juicy burrito...*drool*
2) Fridays
3) Deja Vous
4) Getting a call or an aim msg from an old friend
5) Finding a quarter on the floor

Raging Hormones

2005-06-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

Wow...2 entries within 24hrs period! It's either i'm bored OUT OF MY MIND...or i REALLY have something interesting to say. With the self-mocking out of the way...I will not waste your time and proceed with the entry...afterall..can't really have much updates when my last entry was only less than 24hrs ago...hmm..maybe uhhh...i slept and i woke up for work. so much for the update. =P

Recently, I read this one article titled Trust in a Bottle. To give you the low-down, it's about this sexual reproductive system hormone Oxytocin and its ability to influence our level of "trust". It's rather interesting. Who would've thunk (obviously with the exception of the mad scientists that were crazy enough to come up with the correlation and conjur up this whacked hypothesis)...a sexual reproductive hormone can manipulate "trust". From now on...perhaps we all will have no problems trusting...all you need is a dose of Oxytocin!

Anywayz...that got me thinking. Perhaps a lot of our emotions can be manipulated by influencing the levels of our hormones, gene transcription/translation, electric signal conduction of the neurons, neurotransmitters, etc. "Love Potion" might eventually be possible! Afterall, the concept of "love" is only a term we created because of all the physiological changes we experience when we find someone we're attracted to. Perhaps "love" is simply bundles of neural transmitted signals that are induced and initiated by the "sighting" of a visually appealing object (aka Hot dude/chick). Maybe our level our "love" can be influenced by identifying some genes and induce the transcription/translation of it. Or better yet, intaking some hormones that are directly correlated with "love" and it'll maybe induce the "butterfly effect". Could it be that love might be some type of disease? (o.O) One thing for sure...if "trust in a bottle" is possible...why not "love potion"? Whoever comes up w/it will definitely make some massive bankage! Making someone out of your league or your long term crush to love you and loath you will no longer be an impossible task...we'll all turn into LOVE MACHINES!

Associating with love...I started to think...maybe that might be possible with orgasms as well. As we all know, females have a much harder time than males to achieve this sensational high. Average time for a woman to obtain the state of "orgasmic experience" is like 12 min...while 7 min is the average amount of time a dude can last (how i got that stats? morning radio shows baby!). So if we can come up w/something that can affect female's ability to get an orgasm...sex will no longer be the often than not "one way street" and females no longer have to "fake" orgasms (ok dudes..stop kidding yourself...you're not THAT good...girls fake it most of the time...unless she's Samantha from Sex in the City). The act of "love making" will be enjoyed by both sexes alike! i wonder what they will call it..."Orgasmic Explosion"!!! hahah.. (yea..i know i'm corny). One thing for sure...SEX SELLS!

Long and behold.... there IS such thing as Female Orgasm in Genes !

Referring to my previous entry...I guess i'm not so original afterall....it's been done and they even got fundings for it. *shakes head* silly horny scientists. *sigh* No doubt...it is the byproduct of locking up mass quantity of nerdy scientists w/no game in a confined environment for an extended periods of time...

Watch out..."I" shall be the one to invent "Love Potion" mwa ha ha ha ha... Tell you what...if that does happen...print out this entry and I'll sell it to you at half off price *wink* hahahah.. for a limited time only! don't waste the chance!

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Having an appetite
2) A good nite sleep
3) Mocking people...BEHIND their back
4) Defying superior's order by Aiming at work
5) Blogging at work

The One, The Only

2005-06-07T20:40:00.000-07:00

Watch out for what you eat, even if it's homemade. These two days, I suffered through an episode of "food poisoning". From what? the fried rice my grandma made for me. Dont eat ANYTHING that's been left in the car for extended periods of time (yea yea yea..i'm an idiot that lacks common sense). Otherwise, you'll end up with whimsical gagging reflexes, lack of energy, and most of all...loss of appetite (which I am o so proud of). The two days of recovery process restrained me from my usual "hyperactivity" and stayed in my private room detention. On the bright side...I'm getting paid to stay home and do absolutely NOTHING! mwa ha ha ha ha... the wonders of sick leaves and excessive vacation hours...simply SCHWEEET! =D

Ending with my update...I should proceed onto my subject. Now...relieved from most of my responsibilities at work (3 weeks left...woohoo!!! \(^o^)/) I have plenty of time to waste and boredom to spare. With all the time in the world and being REALLY bored...I've been browsing through people's blogs...includes the ones written by strangers. It's been rather interesting to read about what others have to say about assorted subjects. I also have been doing quite a lot of Aiming as well (no duh...#1 aim addict right here! what else am I suppose to do at work? be productive???? shyea right!) One thing I've realized (along with many others..but let's just pick the prominant one)...as much as I'd like to think my ideas and thoughts are "unique" or "original"...they're really not. Things I've said most likely have been mentioned by others and the thoughts I have most likely have been pondered by others as well. A lot of times you think to yourself...I must be the only person suffering through all this and why am I the only one alone suffering? chances are...there are plenty others out there who can identify with your situation or have experienced through the same things. Nothing's ever really "orginal" or "unique"..for all that I know, there might be another person somewhere in the world writing about the same topic as me.

If that is the case...how is everyone of us "unique" and different from other people???

I'd like to think, the thoughts and ideas we have are like numbers. A number by itself is neither unique or original. It's plain and can be repeated at any moment. However, when you combine all types of different numbers together into series of "numbers"....you get...human! Everyone have their own set of combinations and they occur at random. It cannot be repeated nor can it be reproduced at any given moment. THAT is what made each and everyone of us unique and separates us from each other. In a sense...none of the thoughts we have are ever "one of a kind" (unless you pride yourself as the 21st century Aristotle, Socrates, Newton, Einstein or etc.) but with all the various thoughts together shuffling through our CNS...each and every one of us are "the one, the only".

For me it's definitely humbling to know that "oh...I guess I'm not the only person that thinks about this". but it's also comforting to know that there are others who can identify with what are going through my mind. But in the end..there's only ONE Aileen! with all her random craziness and all. =P Can't reproduce another one of me...isn't that a reassuring thing to know hehe.. ;-)

So from now on..if at anytime..someone ever says to you..."dang..you're not being original! I've thought of that already!". Just say to that person "well...recite π (pi) for me then you b*tch! HA! i knew you can't! so shut up!" hahahahah...

disclaimer: If you do indeed decide to take on the above approach...you might end up opening a can of whoop a$$. I will not...I repeat...I will not be responsible for the consequences.

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Sipping on a bowl of hot soup or a cup of hot tea on a cold winter day
2) Jumping into a body of cold water on a hot summer night...naked! hahahah..j/k
3) 6pm hits (end of work and din din time!)
4) Shower before bed
5) Sleeping on freshly washed sheets...the smell is enough to give you a pleasant sleep =)

The Purpose

2005-06-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

we all like to do nothing at work...but once you really have NOTHING to do...you get antsy. Thus..updating my blog I shall. Must restrain myself from productivity...."procrastination is an active process " ( page 3.14159 or aka pi, Chahm [yea..i dont expect u to get this joke...so dont even try]).

You ever notice...everything we do...we require a "purpose". We eat because we are hungry, we go to work because we need money, we sleep because we need rest...and essentially there's a "why" to every statement we make. We need to feel the sense of "being" and we need to feel that we're performing a particular task for a reason. There really is no such thing as "walking aimlessly". No matter now "aimless" it may be, you are still heading towards somewhere and searching for some type of objective. Even when you TRY to walk around "aimlessly"...this "aimless" became your purpose and your objective.

Similar to the requirement of "reason" for the tasks we perform...life can be the same way. We all want to know we are living for a purpose...we are born for a reason. Some people like to use God as a form of justification. I'm certain we've all heard speeches such as "God created my life for a purpose...for reasons I do not know why...but there's gotta be some logic behind it". We all want to feel we are needed by someone, serving a greater purpose than just "living", and we also require that sense of "being". None of us like to feel we are just insignificant creatures born to just breed, eat, drink, and die. We often search for the purpose in life and the meaning in our lives that some of us even forget how to "live".

What if there is no purpose? there's no "grand scheme" of plan behind each of our lives? Maybe we ARE here to just breed, eat, drink, and die like all the rest of the lively beings on this planet....afterall...every one of us are simply composition of cells with the task of sustaining survival. What if there IS no concrete meaning to life? All the things we ever set out to do, the questions we ponder , or the life we think we lead might possibly be all deceptions we created for ourselves so we can have a sense of "significance" for our petty little lives.

I am sure you all presume that I have a conclusion to this entry...afterall...based on your understanding of "Aileen"...why would I write an entry without a type revelation or a conclusion? The purpose of this entry is so I can derive my own conclusion right? and the purpose of you reading this entry is to witness my derivation of a conclusion...am I correct?

Fact of the matter is...I really have no conclusion...no answer...and there perhaps is no point or purpose to this entry except my incessant talk.

I am living to live...living to what I think is the fullest. Let it be superficial, impactful, deep, serious, dramatic, silly, or else....I only have one chance to live. It might be created without a purpose or maybe there really is no point to my life....or perhaps I AM insignificant. but the purpose of my life is up for me to define and the quality/significance of my life will depend on how i chose to live

As my good friend Mike would say...Cheers, to life's next moment.

Simple Pleasures in Life
- Waking up knowing it's the weekend
- Boss not around
- Nap when you want to nap
- My morning cup of coffee
- It started raining RIGHT when you set your foot indoors

Hierarchy

2005-05-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

Despite my valiant effort to stay sane at this dump hole of Scripps: The Shlaepfer's Lab, it is driving me nuts!!! I count down daily to my final day of hell...4 more weeks Aileen...just 4 freak'n more weeks! It's very ironic to me that the job I dislike with a passion the most...is the one I sustained the longest. I ask myself if it is because of my sadistic nature? being naive believing that with time it'll get better? or just for the paychecks? There is only one answer...the capitalistic world and our materialistic society have turned me into a slave. To pay bills, to satisfy the whining tummy, to obtain the societal measure of what is equivalent to as "success", and of course,to attain the luxury of momentary impulsive splurge....we must all become the circus monkies and do as we're told. Sell out? you bet I am! Can you say you're not? As much as i'd like to say..money doesn't matter...it matters a lot. The initiation of monetary exchange, which dated back to the ancient days, and lead to the creation of "currency" was perhaps our single most evilest invention. Greed will ultimately be the downfall of mankind.

With money, it comes hierarchy. I have noticed a trend of hierarchy that exists in our world as of today.

Sitting at the very top are the filthy rich GOOD looking individuals. They are blessed with both physical and materialistic assets. They can pretty much do whatever they desire based on both physical appearance and the power of "money". I bet if they b*tch slap you to the other side of the room, you will come back smiling and ask for more (and if you won't...i applaud you for sticking with principles...but seriously...you're just being an idiot by pissing them off).

Following the above, are the filthy rich UGLY looking individuals. They might not be well endowed with physical gifts...but they certainly got the CHA-CHING factor down! Why do you think the rich ugly guys can get the gorgeous models going head over heels for them? do you really think anna nicole smith married the wrinkly old man for love??? if you do believe so...i must slap some senses into you...you naivete.

To spare you with all the details...let's just bunch the next few groups under the category of "Average". This category entails the following: well-off-good-looking folks > well-off-ugly folks> average-income-good-looking folks > simply average all across the board people. Not much to say about this group..they're simply....AVERAGE!

Going down the totem pole, we have the poor GOOD looking peeps. They might not have the power of "money", but they certainly have the physical appearance to obtain some if need be. We all know the story of Cinderella...how else you think she can land a prince charming? it definitely ain't her personalities (yes...a nite of dancing tells A LOT about an individual's personality -_-"). Not to mention people are usually more lenient on people who are good looking. Take for example, a cop pulls a person over for a busted headlight on a 80 civic...the good looking person will most likely walk away with a warning..while others might end up with a ticket and be dubbed with "reckless drving". With physical attractiveness, you will have hope and potential in acquiring rich and fame....you also will be privileged.

If you are average-income and you're UGLY looking...you're actually towards the lower end of the spectrum...even lower than the poor GOOD looking folks...simply because of your physically unappealing nature. I am sorry to inform you that our superficial world more often than not overlooks your stable income status and will focus on your physical aspects. You achieved a certain amount of success, but due to your physicality, you'll receive less respect and some name calling. I sincerely apologize to people in this group....you're unfortunate.

Last but not least...and i'm sure you saw it coming...the poor AND ugly mofos! there's no way to put it nicely but to say...you're F#$%ed. may the force be with you.

Conclusion: reality is...the world we born in and the society we live in...is none other than superficial, materialistic, power driven, and hierachical. Worst of all, there's not a damn thing we can do to change that.

o my...what a cynical entry. the power of work...simply amazing..

Simple Pleasures in Life
1) Feeling the wind and breeze while running
2) The muscle burning sensation after a good work out
3) burping...out loud
4) Pay days \(^o^)/
5) People leaving comments on your blog entries =D

Aichi's Series of Unfortunate Events

2005-05-08T21:56:00.000-07:00

I have once again neglected my blog...my apologies to the people out there dying of boredom...i deprived you from some interesting reads (or so i assume) . As much as I'd like to say nothing's going on in my life...i'll be LYING! (oh aileen...we all know u're a big liar already). Quite a lot happened just within the past 2 weeks. It's been rather....what's the word..."interesing". Lots of strange events have been happening around me, all "life and death" related situations. well...since i'm blogging to you all at this moment...i'm still alive and well (*whew* devil cant have my soul JUST yet..not until i'm filthy rich and is the object of everyone's jealousy mwa ha ha ha) Just what EXACTLY are the "dramatic" situations i speak of......

1) T~~~imber! - as you all know (or refer to my previous entry)..my grandma was seriously hurt just 2 weeks back and pretty much stirred up quite a storm in my family. As i mentioned in my previous entry...i thought it was a beam that fell on her...but it wasnt...it was a the WHOLE FREAK'N PATIO that collpased on her!!! the patio in our backyard collapsed after a series of strong wind while my grandma was flowering some plants (impecable timing isnt it?) the wood for the patio I guess was just old and perhaps corroded quite a bit after some strange weather we had a while back. It's just the luck of the draw...but fortunately...she's alive...have a fractured spine...but it's a miracle that she's still kick'n and yack'n away (it runs in the family =Þ). She cant move much but defintiely alive and well. I will be paying my dues...so will be returning to the LA area on a weekly basis...oh...the oil companies are gonna get the best of me -_-" Thanx for all those that cared, prayed, and consoled me...muchos gracias!

2) BOOM! - as i was sitting at work....bored...mesmirized by the world of "internet". a loud explosion snapped me out of the hyponotic effects of "online". The lab, startled, all went to see what happened (did the terrorist attack? or have some scientists...sick of being whipped by Scripps...finally decide to go mad and want to take over the world!) Glass shattered EVERYWHERE and our microwave was GONE! apparently..."someone" (who's name shall remain anonymous) decided to heat up a bottle of reagent with the cap on TIGHT and set the microwave timer for 5 WHOLE MINUTES! due to the built up of vapor pressure within the bottle, it exploded (our boss later actually gave us a lecture on PV=nRT..the "ideal gas law" during of lab meeting *sigh). The microwave couldnt hold the explosion and it exploded as well. The safety glass on the microwave came off, glass shattered, and the thick rotating glass base in the microwave cracked and flew out as well! luckily...no one's within close proximity...so everyone safe and sound. Silly scientists...you would think they know better...but obviously they lack some much needed common sense.

3) HELP HELP! - just this weekend, i was in LA for Mama's day! my sister and i, being the awesome procrastinators that we are..decided to do the last min shopping for our bedridden granny. As we were strolling down the mall shopping for clothes..wait uh...i mean...present..yes! we heard this loud cry for help...curious and confused...we turned our heads. It was a woman screaming for help and a kid on the floor. Based on her "yacking" and "gagging" reflexes..she's choking. a mob of shoppers gathered around the woman and the kid. no one really knew what to do or what could be done (unforunately..i am not a certified healthcare personnel just yet...not to mention my memories of CPR back in hs was thrown outta the window LONG ago...i could only stand helpless and watch). Everyone were just spectating this unfortunate event like they're witnessing some first hand "reality show". Alas...someone certified saved the kid and the paramedics came. People disassembled and continued their disrupted shopping spree.

Strange huh? all these series of unfortunate events spawning all round me. if u're superstitious..perhaps you would say "i" am life the reaper's trying to claim but missed aim badly and hit others instead. or perhaps i am the lucky charm that spoiled the reaper from getting the lives of his/her interest. *shrug* one thing for certain...treasure the ones around u and live life to what you consider as the "fullest". you never know when might unexpected events occur outta thin air.

in the meantime...maybe stay away from aileen if you wanna be safe and alive! =Þ

peeaaaaace out!

*newly added section* (will be making its appearances at the end of my blog entries from now on)

Simple Pleasures in Life

1) sucking up the yolk from an over easy egg

2) singing along with the song you love at the top of your lungs (whether in car, in shower, in room...or kareoke bar)

3) farting....out loud

4) seeing rainbow after rainfall

5) evading traffic and driving back to LA at min 85 mph!

Prayers Needed

2005-04-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg....

my grandma's in the hospital right now because a beam fell on her...she's showing signs of concussion. she's 85 already...i'm really scared for her. Gonna be in LA 'till I make sure she's alrite. what's freaky is that I had an unnerving thought occuring just a few days back...I thought to myself: mang..my grandma's really aging...I hope nothing happens to her and stay healthy.. because if anything does happen..i wouldnt know what to do and it'll probably be the lowest low for my family. and now..THIS! i'm totally freaked out, scared, and worried...she's someone i'm REALLY close to..practically took care of me ever since when i was just a baby 'till now. I cant afford to lose her.

please keep my family in your prayers...pray for stregnth to get through all this, God's mercy, and most of all..my grandma's well-being.

Aileen..stay strong...

Fictitious Nonfiction

2005-04-12T15:37:00.000-07:00

Randomness

I have come to term that I will never be able to give blood. I went to give a blood sample for immunization test. They only drew out a small test tube worth from my left arm...and now..my left arm's sore and numb! -_-" It did give me an evil idea tho...how to legitimately skip work...hmmm. *bing* i know! i'll contribute to the society and save lives by donating my oh so limited blood! =D genius!

NOW the subject....

Had an epiphany while watching TV the other day (who said you cant think when you vegetate? hmmm..makes you wonder if veggies and potatoes think.. o.O apprently TV's not as mind numbing as you would think...u can learn a lot from it) What does the bright light bulb entail? The story of your particular miniscure life can have different versions...however you would like to tell it. We write our own fictional novels to our not-so-fictitious lives. Just like there are different perspectives of the same event, you have different versions of "life" depending on how you want to view it. As simple as it may sound, it is not so easy to achieve. We believe in absolutes, and what are factual (those are what happened and that is what I'm going to stubbornly believe). Some people would like to create a dramatic melodrama out of the events that happened throughout their life time (the cat's dying..call 911...NOOOOOO~~~~~I SHALL AVENGE YOUR DEATH!); some like their lives to be a romance novel (oh darling..do you love me? it is total love at first sight! YOU ARE THE ONE! kiss me now!!! *smooch*); some might even like to have a Shakespearean Tragedy ('tis the faithful end of one's blissful journey, oh the moon and sun, show mercy to thy servant, for I ask for a swiftful death); and if you're Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes...the greatest comic ever!)...your life will probably be a science fiction. The bottom line is, life is what you make of it, you are the writer and you are the one with the power to make changes to the script. How would your life to be portrayed on the big screen and how you would like to make a lasting impression of your life is all in your hands. It can have the big entrance, grand finale, or it can have a plain simple plot with a teeney climax. Ergo, the happiness or the unhappiness of your life lies in your very own mind; it's all in the matter of perspectives.

To me...I would like the story of my life to be of an epic proportion with comedic threads in between. As of now...it's probably just a boring, sleep inducing and "i can care less" text book -_-" (falling asleep as I reflect upon my life..zzzz..o wait...maybe it's just work). However, it is how i tell it that matters. Even a boring text book can sound like a great novel if you give it the right "touch" and "tone" (let's watch the great story teller at work!). Afterall, it is my own version of the novel that counts =) (pffff...like i'm gonna care about how YOU tell my story).

Conclusion: live your life the way you would like your story to be told. Whether it is "happily ever after", "tragic death", "dynamic climax", or "dramatic episodes", it is all up to how you want to write it and how you want to live it.

What's YOUR story?

Economics of Life 101

2005-03-31T14:24:00.000-08:00

Random Prelude

Have you been outside lately? Have you been enjoying your day? Have you seen a mob of painted lady butterflies? Have you been attacked by a painted lady butterfly? Have you smashed into few painted lady butterflies w/your car on your way to work/school/home/errands/etc. ? If you have...you are not alone! Lots of Californians are experiencing the same phenomenon as you! Such an "attack of the butterflies" is due to the luring of the plentiful rainfall and lush plant growth which causes the butterflies to fly from inland deserts and Mexico towards greener pastures in Oregon/Washington. Huge migrations happen only once or twice a decade when the conditions are just right! So catch the flow and enjoy the fun....set a trap and net yourself a few butterflies...it won't be as easy after this time! To order some already caught/smashed butterflies...call this number now! 1-800-But-a-fly

Lesson Begins

For those of you who have been through the hellish Econ classes should know the Law of Diminishing Returns. As a background for the ones that don't know or the ones that sleep through the classes or the ones that finds education as a piece of crap...Law of Diminishing Returns simply states: if one factor of production is increased while the others remain constant, the overall returns will relatively decrease after a certain point...which in lamen term is that as more of an input is applied, each additional unit produces less and less additional output. The principle, first thought to apply only to agriculture, was later accepted as an economic law underlying all productive enterprise.

Now that you have a brief background from Dr. Chi...I will proceed to inform you how such a law applies to real life situations....

Productivity obeys the Law of Diminishing Return. You must think...well...duh... Hold your horses...I will get to my point. When you are at work or at school...You do work or study (ok..no brainer right there). In the beginning...you will try to be productive to impress the boss or study a lot to obtain good grades. It is a rather fulfilling sensation..the feeling that you were being "productive". You keep performing tasks and want to have the fulfillment all the time! However, as time goes on, the sweet sensation of being productive disappears and is replaced by the bitterness left by the excessive work load or over nerding. Thus, implying that you work output increases, as defined by the phrase of "being productive", while others (work load, study materials) remains constant, the overal returns (the fulfilling sensation) will relatively decrease after a certain amount of time. Now...you just dread being productive and want to be lazy.

If our productivity follows the Law of Diminishing Returns and we'll get tired of being "productive"...what's the point then?

Way to combat: DONT be productive on a daily basis except for perhaps one day out of the week..this way, you will experience the complete and total fulfillment of being produtive every time you try it and you only have to work one day of the week! Based on the Law of Diminishing Returns...this is the only way we will have increased spur of work output while other remain constant and STILL have an increasing overal returns! GENIUS!

I am practicing my own theory right now by blogging at work....let's see how well this works out...

Disclaimer: This is only MY theory. I am not responsible if you indeed chose to follow such a hypothesis and is fired by your boss, failed a miderm/final/class, and obtained "bum" status.

March Madness

2005-03-22T13:26:00.000-08:00

March...what an excruciating month. Wow...the last time I updated this brand new blog was close to a month ago! My apologies for depriving you from some interesting reads or after dinner jokes. You must be thinking...there MUST be "something" going on for me to neglect you all like this. Indeed...lots have happened in the past month. I intentionally neglected my blog because the only thing I would write about are my anxieties and how pharm schools are evil in making me wait FOREVER! Also, because the more I talk about it, the more nervous I become. Instead of letting you all share my fear and anticipations...I'd rather for you all to share my results.

This past month has been nothing but a roller coaster ride for Aileen. I was practically a zombie who lives each day for some fresh meat (well..in my case...the acceptance/rejection letters). That was all that I could think about and talk about. I am certain that a lot of my friends are probably sick of my "i hate waiting" or "why isnt it here" talks by now. Every acceptance or every rejection I heard from others is like a dagger through my heart and a pinch on my nerves. Everyone tells me...Aileen...don't worry...you'll get in. Not that I didn't want to listen to the public, yet when your future's on the line...you cant help BUT to worry. I wanted this badly because I have something to prove, to myself, to my family, to my skeptics, and to my friends. I wanted to prove I am capable in achieving my dream and not just all talks, to prove to myself that I am just as good as the others and all that hard work are not for nothing, and also to prove to others that I made the right decision. It was a bold move on my part to change my career plan from hardcore premed to pharmacy...so I wanted to see if I can follow through with this plan.

It was three weeks into March already with nothing in sight...no news...no NOTHING! I was beginning to feel hopeless...fearing rejections and the disapproval of my performance by these top institutions. I yearned for acceptance and accredidations by these schools. Partly because I am utterly prideful of myself and my abilities, I do not and will not allow my pride to obliterate. With each days passing....I was beginning to wear down...I even attempted on fine tuning the details of my back up plan (u're all gonna laugh...but I was sooooo thinking about going back to Asia and become a flight attendant if this whole "pharm" deal doesnt work out). March was driving me NUTS!!! (doesnt help with actual "March Madness" going on...dont like my pool going down the drain..which it already did with the loss of Syracuse >=( *shakes fist in air*) My emotion goes up and down...this month is PMSing X 10! (stay away from aileen!!! run! run for your lives!!!)

At last...I received my first piece of mail this past saturday.....I GOT ACCEPTED INTO USC!!!!! =D finally..the wait is over...I WILL be a pharmacist! i was eccstatic...but it's still my 2nd choice nontheless. the school I was waiting to hear back was nowhere in sight. USC was nice, but I really could see myself being part of the SF community and be a student of UCSF. Not to mention I really liked UCSF's program...I feel it could help me achieve what I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime and challenge my intellect every way possible. Not to mention i REALLY liked the yay area, particularly Frisco. It's definitely nice to have a back up though. I was content and settled with the result, this is probably it...I will be a Trojan.

just last nite....i received a letter from UCSF (technically I received a phonecall..because my mails are sent to my dear Michelley's place due to certain cicumstances with my address change before my spectacular vacation)

and the verdict.........

I GOT INTO UCSF!!!!!

finally...my 1st choice...the place i wanted to be in o so BADLY...my dream school...my goals...are all right in front of me. i am living in the world of surrealism....I am eccstatic...I cant stop smiling....I am the LUCKIEST and HAPPIEST girl right now! this high...is better than anything you can ever imagine (weed, alcohol, orgasm, you name it!) when you want something SOOOOO badly..and you got it...this sensation is WONDERFUL!

Pharm school totally played with my emotions this month. Dang...it's finally all over....the next chapter of my life awaits. What's next? bring it on!!!! but for now...share my joy and PAAAAARRRRRTTTTTAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!! >=D woohoo!!! yay!!!! mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha...!!!! hurray!!!!! Aileen YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!! \(^o^)/

PS. I received an awesome gift from my sister...an ipod mini! Helen..u're the best! i heart my sister, I heart my family, I heart my friends, I heart my new ipod, and I heart life! (o^.^o)

Three's Company

2005-03-07T11:01:00.000-08:00

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1) Aileen
2) Aichi
3) Aiya or Chica or AiyaChica (essentially the same names)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1) AiyaChica828
2) AandH123
3) aichihuahua (umm...possible future sn???)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) my bountiful adrenaline (does it ever end?)
2) always happy happy or smiley smiley!
3) my "twisted" way of thinking (it's almost an understatement)

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) a bit TOO energetic -_-"
2) thinks too much *scratches head*
3) too much pride!

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1) Chinese
2) Taiwanese
3) Chinese + Taiwanese, or Chinese + Chinese, or Taiwanese + Taiwanese

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1) Any form of insects!!!
2) Thunderstorm (yea yea yea..i'm a sissy)
3) YOU!!! >=D

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1) caffeine!!! (the best part of waking up...is folger[coffee] in your cup!)
2) shower (it's a MUST every nite)
3) Sleep (i'm insomniac no more! i <3>

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1) AE shirt
2) blue jeans
3) Swarovski necklace (courtesy of senorita Chi, aka..my mommy!)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment):
1) Jimmy Eat World
2) The Used
3) Yellowcard

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1) "Work" - Jimmy Eat World
2) "Wu Yuan" - David Tao
3) "Kiss no ondo" - Wyolica

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1) more traveling!
2) Sugar Daddy (extra sweetener pweeaaaasse!)
3) Donavan's (ah...steak...*drool*)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1) lots of laughter
2) to have the BEST time in the world doing absolutely NOTHING at all
3) that "connection"...you know...THE connection

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1) I eat more than a dude
2) I desire world domination
3) I <3 Work

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1) Gorgeous smile (you know..the crest smiled accompanied by mesmirizing eyes *dreamy sigh*)
2) AWESOME abs
3) Slim physique (but fit nonetheless)

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1) waking up in the morning without thinking about smashing up the alarm clock
2) be productive at work
3) sit down and do absolutely NOTHING

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1) Gymming! (or any type of physical activity for that matter)
2) Eating! (mang...i'm hungry...)
3) Singing/Dancing (I got music, I got rhythmn, I got uhhh...my invisible man...who can ask for anything more!)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1) Eat lunch (food...ah...*drool*)
2) Sleep (caffeine's not working...-_-")
3) Go home (refer to #2)

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1) Drug dealer (legalized...I think...(o.O) )
2) Corruptor of our future generation (they'll all think like i do..mwa ha ha ha ha ha)
3) American Idol! (it can happen! thus will mark the downfall of the music industry)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1) Japan
2) Fiji
3) Australia

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1) Doh (i swear that's Bart's REAL name)
2) Bah (i'm can almost be certain that it's a form of Indian name)
3) Blah (i invented this name? what a sad kid i'll have)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1) Travel the world!
2) cure "some" type of disease
3) be the BEST sugar mama i can be for everyone! =D

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1) You...who's reading
2) You...who's my friend
3) You...the stranger

Out With the Old

2005-03-04T13:57:00.000-08:00

Weee~~~ My first posting in blogger's blog! why decide to change? maybe I just want to be different? (o.O) hehe.. =P I'm actually allowed to mess around with a lot of things on blogger's blog...and because of my ADD nature...i like to change things constantly (too impatient to mess w/xanga...all those color matching schemes...blah! too lazy). Besides...need some new things to occupy my boredom while i'm at work! So....what to write as my first post....

As many of you know...I work in a lab. My recent exeperiment is actually an in vivo study. To be less technical, I injected mice w/breast cancer cells that'll give them fatty tumors in their mammory fat pad (mouse boobs???). Injections went smoothly and I started to feel quite attached to those little things (more so the power trip...I can do WHATEVER I want with them and they cant do a THING! mwa ha ha ha ha...wait..i mean..poor little mice =P ).

Today, as I went on my little routine check on my mice...one of them died! I noticed it was sick yesterday but didnt think it's gonna die on me. Such an instance brought me great distraught (uh..aileen...u're mission's to kill them...so u mean to tell me u care??) because I did not know the cause of its death...most likely it's due to infection during the injection process. They're gonna die anywayz and I will be the murderer when the time comes...but just didnt anticipate it. Partly because I just lost one experimental subject (dang it...my experiment's going downhill already!!!). Another is because, it was in distress. Not that when the others develop tumors on them they're gonna feel any better...but at least they'll live on until I give them a swift death (care to know the process? talk to me AFTER meals).

Partly due to my sentimental nature...I grow attached to things rather quickly. When they leave, it generally has an effect on me. Makes me wonder tho...if I feel sad when the little mouse died on me unexpectedly...how can I handle my emotions if I work with cancer patients?? (for those of you who dont know...i plan on being a cancerizer...the professional cancer fighter! =D ) perhaps that is WHY I want to work in the cancer field...so I can see the beauty of human's will to live and be a part of their fight. I want to do my best so I don't have to see them die. I will not be the one to "cure" cancer (you cannot cure cancer...TRUST ME...all those ads/news about cancer curing are all lies i tell ya! awww...did i destroy your hope? my apologies..you naivette =P) but i want to at least be able to provide patients with ammunitions so they can at least put a dent in this microscopic terrorist (fire in the hole~~~~!!!)

Little mousy will now be happily living in "mouseville" (mouse heaven according to Tom Hanks in the Green Mile). Death awaits for all of us in the end (for u aileen..more like the devil's waiting). Live a colorful life and have no regrets. The world ends when we die...why not make this the best world there is? Aileen will for sure see you all on the flip side when the death bell chimes! (aka..see you in hell! hmm...probably that'll just be me...DOH! XP)

what a boring first post...i tried (what do you expect? it's not like i EVER write anything profound anywayz!)

Aichi's Ramblookies! (For Your Daily Fortune, Please Tune In)

God Bless America

Reality Bites

Disappearance

I Am Still Here..*Waves*

My Apologies

Don't Be Hating

Hoot Hoot..(Ô.Ô)

Still Alive

Nothing Clever

Mah Crib

Coming of a New Age

2046

All That Glam

Miss Me?

Eeeeeeek!

Estranged Homeland

Fobulicious

The End

Happy Ending

I Love You DMV *Shakes BOTH Fists in Air*

Advanced Fundamentals of Physics

Work It!

Raging Hormones

The One, The Only

The Purpose

Hierarchy

Aichi's Series of Unfortunate Events

Prayers Needed

Fictitious Nonfiction

Economics of Life 101

March Madness

Three's Company

Out With the Old

I Am Still Here..Waves

I Love You DMV Shakes BOTH Fists in Air